johnnyfive

So, I found a place where a friend of mine hides a porno
so he can watch it on my TV (don't ask) and another friend
and I thought it would be funny if we could rig my
video camera and somehow catch him in the "act" and
then replace the film in his porn vhs with our footage, so
the next time he pops it in, he'd start masterbating to a
video of himself masterbating. But that could destroy a
man, I dunno.
I spent New Year's eve with only my fuzzy lil' dog and
old Simpson's episodes, and then woke up the next day
to work a double. 2003...nice start.
I've been giving some thought to my next tattoo and I
have been entertaining the idea of getting that sillhouette
of a naked lady leaning back that is always on trucker's
mudflaps on my ass; one on each cheeck. I saw it once
in a magazine on a girl, but I'm not sure how it'd look on
a guy. My best friend talked me out of getting "GEEK"
on my upper stomach all thug-like.
Rasputina....ah, such haunting music, such haunting
women....I do so love them. Love's a plenty when it
comes to them girls.
A lil' yarn about gossip. I was at a latenight and I did this
trick where I can bite a heart shaped piece out of a beer
can (if that sounds crazy, there was another guy juggling
flaming batons in the living room) and when I went out a
few days later people where asking me if my mouth was
okay because I "ate" a case of beer cans. I have to admit
it was pretty cool to be considered so...crazy, so...out of
control, off the hook, wide open even. But I just didn't
really do it.
This past week I had to cat sit for a friend of mine.
This sucked for two reasons: 1. Litterboxes. 2. They live
in a house that my ex and I shared. Being in it was like
visiting a haunted house where someone, the old "me"
maybe, killed himself. I guess that's why I never really
visit them. I'm not sure what's worse, that or having to
endure my ex parading around town like a 21yr old
spoiled brat that uses phrases like "being spontanious"
or "just experimenting" to justify her lack of sobriety.
And for what it's worth, young gay men who chain smoke
ought to just quit it with the cologne. They bathe in some
sweet stink so that they smell like a rancid concoction
of both odors. If you're going to smoke, you should just
give up and smell like the shit. They do the same thing
with their breath, like "Eww, my mouth tastes like a dirty
ashtray, I'll just eat this new super mint gum...chew,
chew, chew, AHHHH, now my breath smellls like minty
ass, oh yes a fresh, dirty ashtray feeling now mingles
with my defunct and tasteless tastebuds...".
GhostWorld mom...mmmmm. Now that she has a cell
phone she can call me before heading back to bumfuck
and a lake at 2am. Will she please?
And finally, a shout out to Bojangles. Maybe it's a
southern thing, but those biscuts...they are made of
pure love. And maybe some lard and eggs. So tastey!
And everyone is bitchin' about Joe Strummer, what
about that chick from Stereolab?!? Where's her fanfare?
I mean really people, can a "fan" really be that upset,
like they were friends and shit. Like they wrote a song
just for you, to help you through that tough time you
were having when your son fell out of a window and
you became an alcoholic addicted to gambling at Indian
reservations and now you owe Big Chief Squatting Ham
a bunch of lettuce and if you don't pay up he's gonna
scalp your grandma, but man Joe Strummer knew all
about it and wrote Should I Stay just so I could have
something to listen to; to make me feel alright when
things were down. What's next, is the world going to act
shocked and saddened when Kieth Richards finally keels
over?!?! I mean he's only been perpetually commiting
suicide unsuccessfully for the past 35yrs. Who'd have
guessed his liver gave out, or he died of a heroin OD?
Oh, and fuck Courtney Love that lying, murdering cunt.
Peace!