johnny

Hey Johnny! Thanks for your comment. I just submitted the set I did on "the Imp of the Perverse" .... I think it will be a pretty good set. I finally read the story... it seemed to be more of an essay on the impulse for perversion, with a lovely murder themed anecdote to tie it all together at the end. But I have to say, I really loved his in depth contemplation of the impulse in question... feel it very strongly myself, you know and nice to finally read somebody dissect that experience at length.

On the christmas set, thanks for liking it! It was apparently submitted a little late, and they supposedly don't accept sets with white backgrounds... heh, well, I thought it could pass because it had a christmas/winter theme. It's fine... well, not really but what's there to do about it anyway?

have a happy non-turkey day!

hah, very true johnny.. I gave you short notice on the assignment, unfortunately and had to go ahead and shoot on Saturday and pick my own story. I was going to do the Fall of the house of Usher, your suggestion, which came to me as well, but I wanted it to be more obscure.. I chose the Imp of the Perverse. I haven't read the story yet, but I thought the title was enough to go on. I should actually go read the story. The title and Author are both very visible in the shots I bet this set will go up because it's pretty interesting. I actually had a haunting at the hotel I shot (and slept) at, an old unrefurbished hotel established in the 1800s... Apparently the lights I had set up were of particular interest to the resident spirits. At one point I walked away from the set and the lights started flashing repeatedly for almost a minute.... then I soberly announced "please stop" and at that, the flashing ceased.

You rock, Johnny, THANKS!!!!!!!

wow, i'd go see it! but i guess i'd go see it anyway. you knew that already. sounds like a year of big changes, but what years aren't? how are you dealing with the father thing? i could see where that would be a big relief for you and everyone involved, including him. maybe now you have more time to focus on your life and your work. and maybe just living with your "roommate/friend/girlfriend" will give you a chance to rediscover you, all these years later. sometimes i wonder if that will happen for me. i never really got to live on my own. but i guess we each have our own avenues for self-discovery.

man... i really wanna see that show. the brain clenches that poster, by the way.

Thanks for that blog comment Johnny! It helps to hear from somebody who can sympathize. I read this blog post of yours above a couple weeks ago but didn't comment. What you're going through right now is much harder than what I'm dealing with. Maybe in a way it's freeing though--although maybe that captivity was a security. On the upside you can now look yourself in the face and say it's time to make some better decisions, whether or not you were able to rid yourself of a "perfectly okay" yet not totally fulfilling relationship by your own accord, you owe it to yourself to not tie yourself into something like this again.. or rather, to not give up on yourself. I agree, who says we even deserve to be totally fulfilled in this world.. I don't know? But how does a soul grow if not by overcoming the struggles presented in one form or another? I suppose you could have overcome your situation on a spiritual level even with the decision to stick it out, if that were still viable. I guess I'm just asking more questions than offering solutions.

We've had many a confrontation, but in the end I've come back because I didn't want to go it alone and there he was with open arms, even though it seemed another let down was inevitable (a sign of deficit right? I don't believe in him and I don't believe I could ever marry him, but for now...)

I think when your girl friend says your personality is "too strong" she uses that to fill in the blank... a feeling that is at first inarticulatable. I've dealt with this a lot, and when you can't find the words to say what it is, it seems it doesn't exist and you can ignore that a lot easier, but slowly it will come in. Like you say, she just doesn't know (yet). Maybe what she means is that she doesn't feel that there is room for her and you're taking center stage without as much regard for her needs as she'd like?

Perhaps this is reconcilable? Sometimes you can work it through, and the first breakup is not truly the end, but after 15 years it seems to me I'm somehow being naive for suggesting that. My boyfriend and I have been through many breakups, and we've come some distance, but still, it's not good enough.

Talk to you soon, Johnny!

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I don't think I could handle the passing of a parent. honestly, I hope I go before them so I don't have to deal with that pain.

though he's gone to a better place, it's still tough to loose someone to the afterlife. take care of yourself.

Our condolences go out to you and your family.

yep, i think we actually have a couple duckpin places in the city. i'd been to this particular place as a kid but never thought about it till now. we (my dad, who was in town for the night, my fiance and i) had dinner at this great rooftop place down on the southside of the city in one of the sketchy arts districts, and the duckpin bowling happens to be in the same building. dad was the one who suggested, and while i'd normally shy away from any sort of bowling, i thought "what the hell." pulled of my big ole boots and slapped on some stinky bowling shoes. i actually have a birth defect in my right arm which makes regular bowling painful sometimes, but this didn't hurt at all - except my fingertips because of the way i threw the ball. so we played our last game all left-handed and i did so much better. funny what you find out...

anyway, quite worth it if you can find a place near you. just to do something different. or, when all else fails, go swinging on some forgotten swing set!

eh well, it's good news i guess. the not-so-good part is... i was really excited for the reaction when the group i wrote about first saw the article, but it turns out the stupid photography intern who did their photo shoot gave them a copy of my rough draft! i've never taken a journalism class in my life, but i kind of thought that went against common sense.

sigh.

i have to say, i'm not sure what my feelings are on Dada. i suppose you have to give them credit for figuring out a way to subvert the subversive... though, in the end, they subverted themselves right into nice big shiny museums.