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johnny

By way of DC.

Member Since 2002

Followers 74 Following 221

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Wednesday Dec 15, 2004

Dec 15, 2004
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So I havent updated in a while. Life seems to be on hold (at least theres no annoying hold music or caring messages playing, just the endless noise inside of my own skull). My theatre company is on extended hiatus, several scripts Im writing have hit a brick wall, my relationships are strained at best, and my best friend and mentor died rather unexpectedly (and way too young). Loosing our democracy to a crypto fascist military corporate dictatorship doesnt help, and my healths not good either. Oh, yeah, and I need a job fast!

So, Im not good, and Im not bad, Im just numb. Not fun numb, like when I was an active addict, just dumb numb (at least dumb numb has far less dire consequences than fun numb!) I forget things, I open my mouth and nothing comes out, I never really wake up, and I slam into things with alarming frequency. Sorry to be such a downer during the holiday season, but then I find the holiday season a bummer in and of itself.

But. Good things are happening in spite of myself. A major network I am not at liberty to discuss has shown some small interest in one of my scripts, my vaudeville duo is coming along nicely, my cats health is slowly improving, and I can finally get around pretty well almost like I never had surgery. Im researching and writing a play Im pretty excited about, Im writing a feature essay on extreme multimedia and live movies for The Drama Review, and the move to Baltimore is looking like its actually gonna happen soon.

So. Life is good. Life is bad. Life is life. Here we are. We are here. Tada. I have a bad habit of spinning theories about anything and everything, but in the final analysis, life is just life. I hope your life is good for you, and hope you have a great holiday (or at least survive with some measure of dignity intact). Cheers!
cruelty:
Spinning theories? You're preaching to the choir, brother. I've spent the last month trying to figure out what happened and how I don't recognize the person inhabiting my body right now. In fact, a few journal posts ago, I had nothing to say - just a picture of a sulking Olivier dressed in black...

But to be honest, I'm getting fucking sick and tired of contemplating and second guessing - I think I'm forgetting to live. Just because one deciphers WHY they are acting and thinking the things they are doesn't make it easy to stop doing so.

But I'm rambling. I just finished a show that went up in Indiana and recieved a lot of praise, so I'm trying to ride this wave of energy into producing something and getting this company up on its feet. We will either be doing "The Empire Builders" by Vian, or we will strip ourselves naked and jump off the cliff with "And They Put Flowers on the Handcuffs." I know it's an ambitious project, and maybe it's suicidal - especially for our first "official" show. However, I think it may be a risk I'm willing to take at this point. It will, of course take about eight months of labor in many arenas from conception to finished product, but I think I'm up for it.

Glad to hear you're living life. Exits and entrances - that's all it is. Try to make the most of the holidays - mine always suck and I never look forward to them. I always raise a glass for those who feel the same way.

wink
Dec 15, 2004

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