jimmypheenom

I went out tonight....
I saw her and she made me think of how much i used to love her...
I saw him and he made me think of times when we were best friends...
I thought i was ready to deal with it
I thought i was ready for Them...
I thought that i could stomach the unthinkable reality of Us.
I see naught but red, their peccant selves drawing my thoughts from my head,
who is thinking in my head? Why do i pray for a spiral-driven piece of some unkown alloy to break the skin behind my Left eye...I wish nothing more than coma...
I try to keep the fake smile that I've worn all night, slowly it becomes a plastic reminder of why I'm alone...everything I do reminds me of her and what we used to be...
I want to rip out my septum, it reminds me of the piercing shop that she worked at...
I want to tear this awful tattoo from my forearm and the skin it's etched in because she gave it to me...
I want to tear this heart out because it reminds me of when it used to belong to her...
He tries to give me that "talk" that all friends in my place should have...
I wish to hear nothing of it and continue to douse the pain with strong drink...
I leave unnanounced with a rage unfit for sanity...
I speed home at one hundred plus miles per hour...praying for oncoming traffic...
At home i find my solace is waiting for me, trapped in a bottle...
Nothing matters to me, nothing makes me better...nothing eases the pain that I thought i was ready for....
She is a wasted breath
a waste of my lungs...
a waste of a love song...
I waste my time...
why do my veins scream to be relieved of the pressure that is lulling my concious to thought...
what if I had...
what if I hadn't...
what if I didn't...
what if I did...
I should have...
I shouldn't have...
She shouldn't have...
and I don't care...
I've got nothing like her left to lose.