jessikah

My birthday is around the corner and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Tuesday I'm turning 30. Eeek!

Think happy thought. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.

Sam is up with me this morning. Still cried. But maybe it's helped?

Seems my anger might be becoming just as much of an issue. I don't know where the anger has come from. Probably brought some of it here with me, but it seemed to had started with the meds and has stuck around. I'm...
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So, a part of the first step is always talking, right?

Anxiety and panic disorders. Big ones. When I was younger I was able to keep the shit in check with only a bit of flareup. Now its horridly worst over the years. Mornings are hardest. Most mornings I'm talking myself down from hysteria, on the inside.

I cry, I break down. Pretty much always...
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I am in a stalemate with myself. Or rather I'm lost. Or I've forgotten myself. Or I'm a manic depressive.

The brain cogs feel rusted together. Broken apart and fallen away.

I'm still trying to make New York home. It is home. It's where I live and where I love. But we don't love each other. Not yet.

A city. A mass metropolis. Everyone so...
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Ladies.... Do you ever find yourself freshly stoned and on Ebay.... making bad fashion decisions .. because suddenly you feel like trying new things.... Now I have myself second guessing these minute adventures in fashion I'm about to make. But bless me I love dollar auctions.

Wait and wait for days off and when they get here I just don't know what to do with myself.

True story....

Yesterday on my way home from work, you just wouldn't belieive... but let me lay it out for you a little for some understanding.....

I take the subway home from Soho to Brooklyn. At the time I hopscotch through the train lines it's very very packed inside the cars. Everyone is standing very much squished into each others personal spaces until you get...
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