jazabelle

For someone that thrives off the company of others and believes that being alone in any situation (yes my friend jessie even comes into the toilet as i pee) is the worst thing in the world, I managed to spend an interesting day today basically on my own.

todays events consisted of Waking up next to Bree, one of my closest friends. We travelled around europe together and before we did that we were basically enemies in the theatre world. But through travelling with her through our mutual friend Duncan we realsied we hated each other so much because we are indeed the same people living paralell lives. She needed some love as the dreaded boy and best friend troubles had arose in her life. So armed with thai food and lots of hugs I went over last night to just be a friendly ear and company (and to watch scrubs) We talked about all the times spent together overseas and it made us so happy to realise that those times are real. she sent me something that made me feel so incredibly loved and treasured like i have never felt before. " I just wish i was as strong as you are to leave all this shit behind but Im a shell of what you are. i guess it makes sense that i never liked you because you are the person i wish i was" .

She also told me of a dream she had about me. I DIED! which was surprising for me to hear. I think everyone in the back of their heads thinks that somehow it may be a sign that you might die soon. Anyway she organised my funeral and played songs like "I'm Yours" Jason Mraz and "Such Great Heights: the Postal Service, two songs that mean so much to me. Then she got up to do her speech. She said "This is for you Jaz" and ripped off her top to reveal the words "living your dream" tattooed across her boobs! it is my moyo and I want it tattoed on my lower back, but it meant so much to have it across her boobs, even though it was just a dream. She knows how much I love being naked and how much I love boobs so it would have been the perfect funeral, if that is possible.

She dropped me home and I fell asleep on my futon with such ease and slept til around 1230pm. Which is something I never do becasue I feel that I am wasting the day. I did menial tasks like shower, breakfastm supermarket, check emails before decided to go to the pool to bask in the glorious summer Australia has to offer, and to get a tan so I am the only tanned person in England I went to message a few friends to join me but as I searched through my phone I found no one that would be available or willing to go with me. So I bravely decided to go by myself. Even though I am "the energy" in most situations, I find that when I am alone, when people talk to me I revert into a shy little girl, mysterious and a little odd. It took awhile for me to accept this, but now I like it. So I went to the pool alone. And I was ok with that!

I came home to make an awesome pizza before heading off to the gym and then came home to jump on the net. The only human interaction and conversations I had consisted of a few mumbles from my rents teling me they were going for a walk and the lady at the pool charging me $5.20 for a swim. I think I am satisfied with today and am thinknig about walking up to the playground for a night swing and sing session. I desperately want to be creative but with everything I have packed away and very little will or stimualnt behind me I fear that I am going through a period on non creativeness, it is the shade to my light and I am accepting of it, believeing that wonderful things are to come.

Tomorrow will be the opposite of today, with me spending the day with a close friend, taking photos, basking in the sun and then attending a lyrical contemporary dance class before having a meeting at work and then coming home to chat to england! I wonder how it will go compared to today...