jayne

i really need to stop cutting my hair. i used to have a serious issue with this, and it seems as though i'm falling back into it. so after today, i am going to try to promise myself not to cut it anymore for a while, i need to let it grow!!! it's just getting too short.
for some reason i'm feeling pretty depressed this evening, i sort of even saw it coming. i can see patterns in my mood swings, and that makes it kinda difficult to deal with. i know it's coming and i can't stop it, i feel so helpless.
my room is a mess, as is my living room, i'm just trying to get things packed up, but i'm lacking motivation at the moment.
i put in my notice at work yesterday, i almost had an anxiety attack before hand but now i feel really good about it. i feel awful leaving, but once i'm gone, i won't look back.
i'm having a harder and harder time coping with being alone. it's an easier thing when there's no one you wanna be with, but when the only thing you care about is five thousand miles away, it just makes things rather difficult. i find it hard to focus on anything for any length of time. relying on text messages and conversations over aim just isn't cutting it. getting to hear the person's voice you love maybe once every few weeks just isn't enough. i know you've all heard me whine about this and are probably sick to death of it, but i honestly dont' care. it fucking hurts me, and it doesn't make it easier to say, 'oh, i'll be there soon'.
i'm trying to stop eating sugar...sweets, chocolate, candy that kinda thing. i'm doing alright so far, but easter set me back a bit. i've been eating well lately though, and that makes me happy.
i really wanted to see kill bill 2 tonite, but friends were going to see it before i got off work, so i had no one to go with, and decided not to. i'll see it maybe on one of my day's off this coming week.
i think i'm gonna take a bath, and read...then go to bed. it's friday but i work early and i'm not in the mood to do anything that involves leaving my flat.