jaybugg

BTW, The snobs of SG, yeah I mean you in this blog.. K thanks bye

I often thought of what I should put in my last blog on this site. I figured random things would be best, as it suits me.

I got high off pills and absinthe and wrote this

I cant find my way out of this cradle
Fixated on the miasma malady
The leeches bleeding vapors
I keep my head to the cushion
Blood hacking and atrophy bound
Bedsores abound along the spine
Drag your nails back down lesions
Lapping chemical burns causing heads to turn
Spill fluttered breath with a last cigarette
So phantasmal opiate unmmaterialized
Fret the parasitic luminescence
Enveloped in white wash
Consumed everyone everything
Fossilized every specter in offering
Make room for the absurd and afflicted
In this smoldering Solarium
I wonder where in this world is God
In this flash frozen Hell
How we all came to be here
Points in time will never tell


If it matters to why I am leaving, on the negative side I have found after reflecting, most of the people I have engaged have been a waste of time and or money in some form. Plus the sites direction has changed greatly in two years. Gone is the anti main stream feel, the naked girls being art, and we welcome all. Now it is the main stream pop culture, girls who forget friendships once they become suicide girls, stuck up people, and just not a good feel.

I don't like the idea of girls thinking they are better than I because their superficial bodies are hot. I may be ugly as fuck, but I've got a brain, and I've done more in life than most my age that I know. Naked means nothing, try saving lives or taking them. Try help changing a country. Then again, I always prefer being in the shadows, spotlight tends to blind people.



Also me wanting to pursue a book, this site adds a distraction I do not want. And I feel stupid writing blogs only for anywhere from 0-3 comments after being up weeks on end. Kind of a waste. I know this site is for SG soft core porn "models" but damn they put up one pic of their tits, and people go ape shit (even though they have seen them tons of times) where as I have going through my blogs put up plenty of things at least mildly entertaining to read, and no talks of it. *shrug*

Truth be told if I get this book out I hope to sleep forever because quite frankly, though not suicidal, I am tired of life even if death is the great injustice... As much as I keep the mindset of chaos I really want a rest from it forever and enjoy purity of silence.

Do not get me wrong, I find most of the people I have engaged with great on some level. But I put too many resources into most friendships for not a lot in return, if any return. Sorry, I am not your whore.

However I have met great many good friends, even if they are only online. Gigantic is a great person I have had the great pleasure of meeting and hanging with, my friend Ashley (who is a GREAT drinking buddy) on here. Letters from Mneylu are always fun, and chats with Osaka,Katya, Loretta on msn. I even got someone to publish something I wrote in his book from this site. And one of my best friends is from here. Hell this site even got me with a nympho crazy red head.

I won't really MISS the site, just a few people. I have also figured I am going to quit messaging or emailing offline as much, as responses tend to be few and far. but if you don't know how to get a hold of me outside of the site, ask and I will let you know. If you know how, either step up on the friendship or tell me to bugger off. My life, my blog, my rules

I will also say this. Remember those breakups, those tattoos, those gifts, those late night phone calls, those saving you from killing yourself or someone else, the visits, the smiles, the love and trials.. I do. I was there for them all. Remember that next time you think of those moments, and how I probably won't be around again for them.

I honestly do have to say I got love for my friends no matter how temporary on this site. Just time to move on.

SOOOO in case we don't talk again, here is what's new with me

I am going to California in Feb for a week for tattooing

I have a twitch developed in my right eye due to distress

I have decided this is my favorite candid picture of me


I have found a new love for fruit roll ups, gushers, and all things snacky and fruity and bad for me
I had a fun 2 hours scraping the inch thick ice off my drive way (teaches me to shovel the snow before it freezes) I literally slid down the drive way 4 times standing up because I had no traction. It was fucking hilarious to my room mate

I get to see Slipknot very soon with Fire SG

When I was in Iraq, I had a beard. Albeit a rather weird beard. BUT how can it look weisrd on me, yet Johnny Depp, and Layne Staley make it look so darn good? Layne is the singer from Alice in Chains, sans OD/death. And because I can't think of anything else, and right now I just wanna listen to music and drink absinthe, here is one of my favorite songs by them to send off my last blog.
Good bye to those I never knew or won't know again. Been fun. Buy my book if it ever comes out. Peace Love and Anal Sex.~~ JayBugg