Well just finished The Stranger by Albert Camus.. Wow.
It's odd how one finds a niche to belong in perfectly, but never knew it exsited.
I have an od conflict where my mental conditions over exaggerate my emotions and desicions, yet I feel such a strong longing to be as the old existentialist were, and have a confounding indifference towards things that are pointless and short term, including other people's opinions, how I die, or much so how I live, b/c its true when it comes down to it anything means nothing when it is all said and done.
What sort of mark do I have a chance to leave upon people or the world? Not one worth going past my lifespan for sure.
Yet that lil spark of longing for something more, for people to show affection of any sort still holds inside me, even though I rather it not. I have yet to have a girlfriend who didn't act like a harlot, nor find an honest full time friendship with anyonemost are jsut once in a while conversations, or spending occasional time together with no real meaning)
Why bother going after something I havent had in 25 years?
The most pleasure I get out of life is either music, or when I write something well done, and mostly seeing people, even if I barely know them be happy over something I caused, however minor or quick it is over.
Other than those moments do I rarely find a peace of mind or serenity I have often pursued within the books of Samurai teachings, or any form of The Way.
So I ask any of you. How do you become content with yourself, and life truly, and not refering to minor things.
At what time can you say you could die happy?
At times I would like to slit my throat and see how far I can walk* metaphorical statement*
It's odd how one finds a niche to belong in perfectly, but never knew it exsited.
I have an od conflict where my mental conditions over exaggerate my emotions and desicions, yet I feel such a strong longing to be as the old existentialist were, and have a confounding indifference towards things that are pointless and short term, including other people's opinions, how I die, or much so how I live, b/c its true when it comes down to it anything means nothing when it is all said and done.
What sort of mark do I have a chance to leave upon people or the world? Not one worth going past my lifespan for sure.
Yet that lil spark of longing for something more, for people to show affection of any sort still holds inside me, even though I rather it not. I have yet to have a girlfriend who didn't act like a harlot, nor find an honest full time friendship with anyonemost are jsut once in a while conversations, or spending occasional time together with no real meaning)
Why bother going after something I havent had in 25 years?
The most pleasure I get out of life is either music, or when I write something well done, and mostly seeing people, even if I barely know them be happy over something I caused, however minor or quick it is over.
Other than those moments do I rarely find a peace of mind or serenity I have often pursued within the books of Samurai teachings, or any form of The Way.
So I ask any of you. How do you become content with yourself, and life truly, and not refering to minor things.
At what time can you say you could die happy?
At times I would like to slit my throat and see how far I can walk* metaphorical statement*
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Happiness as the end all and be all is arbitrary. When one learns to love misery as much as they do happiness then they have conquered the human condition.
Now as for the mark that one leaves on the world, this is where the study of chaos and entropy is of benefit. Understanding this concept will allow true experiences of zen to be reached.
We have alot to talk about when you come home.