japerrino

I have been making some very personal changes in my life. I have been struggling with some pretty big things. Dark things from my past and major insecurities in my personal life.

I am always being told "you have it so put together" or " if anyone can handle it all its you" Well as much as those phrases make me feel like I rock, I don't. I fail daily. I struggle with simple task. I am just now learning to take the time to decide what's best for me. I have been through a lot and that does make me stronger but also makes me Fragile at the same time. I am always on struggle away from falling or cracking. I want to be there for others at all times but sometimes I don't even know how to be here for myself.

I have recently Come to realization I am struggling a nasty battle against anxiety and depression. It sucks the big one. They (anxiety and depression) have taken so much from me. I lost friends due to irrational thinking. I have pushed away family members. I have put so much stress on my husband but he has stood strong for both of us. I failed my kiddos by not being there and not listening. This is a hard one I basically did what was required do keep everyone alive and I did not enjoy it.

I put on my happy face. I get dressed. I smile and wave. It's literally exhausting to do Normal life task. I am coming out of my cloud. Life is becoming clearer. I am enjoying the blessings in my life. I have rekindled friendships. I have started caring for my husband again and sharing the load. I have done nothing but enjoy my children. Play with them ask them questions and listen to the answers. I just wanted to put this out here. I want to say "hey, people struggle and it's ok!" Someone recently said to me "this is a season. Soon this season will pass and you will have a new one." Those words have stuck with me! So wish me luck as I continue through this season.