I am so burnt out. I feel like I have been going non-stop for about a month now. Every night going out dancing, drinking, or dating. Obviously to keep my mind from actually focusing on any reality. Which is a coping tactic for me. It doesnt usually work well, it eventually does catch up to you. And when it does you just have to catch up. it adds to the pile of shit. All of the misused time, or misspent thoughts. .. It feels so unproductive. All of the meaningless relationships, conversations, sex etc... I am DONE!! I dont know if I feel I have betrayed myself, but I do feel disappointed. I won't dwell on this, i am too much for that. I can only change my actions. Try to think positively, work towards that change of habit ,and thought process that has lead me down this road to nowhere. Unfortunately that leaves me right in the middle of all of the problems and shit I havent wanted to deal with. This will be a huge task. HUGE! I have been so disconnected from emotion , competely fucked in the head. Now I have to disconnect that desire to be disconnected from emotion. That protective layer has to dissolve. I have to get real. No more boys, No more girls, no more autographs, fans ,harems, ass wipers, I must let it go. I dont want it anymore. I need to Focus on me.
ikonoklast:
i think thats exactly your problem. too much emotion. too much focus on yourself. maybe think outside your circle. forget yourself in the weave of fabric. you are but one thread in a giant group making cloth.
diversenine:
making cloth............hum. If your a shitty thread the shirt comes apart. Anyways. Jae your thinking is beautiful. In a way Im proud of myself............making it able to be proud of you...........