jackxsansxsally

Fuck. I do hate the drama of the real world. I always avoided relationships because it seemed that they just werent worth the trouble, and this is one instance where Im not happy to be proven right. So my current girlfriend was, when I met her, going out with my best friend. They split and her and I had been talking over the internet while I was in Afghanistan and over the course of a few months had developed quite the relationship. Then a few months ago I all but told her to stop talking to me, not for any particular reason, simply because I regressed into some of my old depression or something of the like. We did however continue talking and things improved to certain extent...then I came home. I wasnt sure what to expect from her and before I knew it I was professing my undying love for her and making all sorts of promises that Im already regretting. Not to say that there wasnt help causing that. Enter an old friend of mine...one whom my feelings for Ive never been able to get an understanding of. I mean, Im starting to think that Im somewhat incapable of true love. Or at least wouldnt be able to get any sort of understanding of what I was feeling and would in turn become frustrated to the popint of shelling myself off again. But back to the situation at hand! This friend, Ive known her since sixth grade, we went to the prom together, were really more than friends just never officially. And then she came out of the closet, which in a way crushed me but at the same time was somewhat relieving as it gave me a way to further escape any need to express any emotion. And I became increasingly more comfortable with the idea of simply being alone till I died. Then I met my friends girlfriend, and initially thought of her as somewhat of a ditz, finding her seemingly constant attatchment to my friend irritating. And after I had deployed I started to talk to her online and began to see a lot in her that I hadnt seen at first. It wasnt long thereafter that I told her I loved her and we started planning our lives around one another...


...long story short I fucking hate having a heart.