isthmene

"Tell me why I don't like Mondays......I want to shoot the whole day down....."

This has been less than a stellar day. I'm late for work, which is not a big deal but not a great way to start the week. Then some lady backs her Ford F450 into my car IN and intersection. Then I go to get my prescription so I can buy new glasses. I get accosted by the opthamologist (my cousin, actually) and wrestled into a chair and my pupils forcibly dialated. Owie. Only to discover that my eyes have badly and inexplicably worsened. Again. Now I have to go to a cornea specialist to find out what's wrong with my eyes. This requires a corneal topography, for which I have to go to the biggest hospital in the city for and sit under some large complicated machine. I was also told to be prepared for this not to stop. For my eyes to worsen. And worsen. That leads where exactly? Blindness by the time I'm 40.

Honest to god blindness. Not like I'm blind now, where if I put something on a crowded counter without my glasses on, I can't find it again. Like the can't even see my feet. At all. Not just blurily, like I do now. At all. It's kinda terrifying. I'm okay for a while and then I'm greatly disturbed for moments.

It makes you see everything differently. The more I think about it, the more I look around and think everything is beautiful. I think, did I notice that tree before? How the leaves fall. The rain reflecting all the lights of the cityI studied my face in the mirror. I'm too vain to be blind.

I'm being a drama queen. I know. But sometimes you just have to vent.

Who knows, maybe everything will be fine. My prescription will stabilize, I'll get laser surgery and see perfectly every morning when I open my eyes.

But maybe I'll open my eyes every morning and it will be the same as when they were closed.......