ironmog

Dissatisfaction, irritation, annoyance, mild anger. These have been the standards for the past few days. I'm fine at school, it seems once I leave there and my mind idles and I'm allowed to simply drift at sea again I find those dark and brooding waters. And I wallow in them. Last night I could have destroyed something beautiful, al a Fight Club.

I restrained myself somehow. But oh how tempting it was.

Picked up comics recently, had been awhile. Also grabbed an SDCC exclusive Hal Jordan as a Blue Lantern figure. It came with a blue ring, so I was sold.

Scored a book today for $15, DC Comics Covergirls. Pretty sweet book, all sorts of art from all the way back to the beginning. Interesting to see the evolution of art styles and cover lay outs. Plus some way hot stuff from some of my favorite artists. Yeah, definitely digging on this book. If I had a coffee table this would be on it.

I want to know where this is coming from, and why when I see a pretty girl I just think all sorts of negative things. Why do my fists clench at happiness? Why do I rage at the good and cheerful things in life? Why do I just seem to hate most everything?

I miss Jeremiah. Jay is not the person I want to be, but he's the person I deserve I suppose. The one I need. Maybe one day Miah will be waiting for me again. When I no longer need the shell, the defenses.

I ride these dark seas, hiding until I'm sure I can be in the calm once more. Where I can be allowed to feel.

-JC