ironhalo

im taking averys suicide way harder than i thought i would. him and i were good friends from most of highschool through a good part of the college years. there was drama with the ultimate end all, money. i didnt talk to him for a good year or longer since the falling out with him and a lot of his friends at the time. makes you wonder what you could have done if things had been different ya know? its hard to be his friend when there was such a breach of trust. we pushed eachother out of our respective lives. i guess all i wanted was an apology or some sort of reason behind what happened. clearly thatll never happen.

i think what sucks the most is that i live in california now. im glad i moved here, i need to get my life started. but all my friends are in colorado. i really dont have anyone to talk to here and i think its beginning to wear on me. ive become such an introvert again phone calls only serve to a point ya know? im flying back home for the funeral wednesday morning. im leaving the frisco airport at 7, my roomate is being super cool and giving me a ride there at 5. rush hour over the bridge is brutal. i dont want to move back to colorado, theres not much there for me anymore. im really hoping the funeral will give me some sort of insight as to what happened, because if i dont get answers there i know i never will. i think for the first time in my life i have my first real regret, never leave things on bad terms with someone you valued. you never know what fate has in store.