irelandvixen

I watched the movie THE HOLIDAY! And I really liked it and related so WELL to it! There is this one scene that tears me up inside cause its just so true! Its like she was watching my life! Here is the scene!


Thes are the 2 lines that mean the most to me:just replace the shes with he lol

"Your hoping your wrong, and everytime she does something that tells you shes no good you ignore it and everytime she comes through and surprises you she wins you over and you lose that arguement with yourself that shes not for you!"

This one burns into my soul everytime i see it and hear it cause it so true but the end hasnt happened yet:


"I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible and how it can ache in places that you didnt know you had inside you! and it doesnt matter how many new hair cuts you get, how many gyms you join, how many glasses of chardinay you drink with your girlfriends. You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think you were THAT happy and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he will see the light and show up at your door. And after all that however long all that maybe you'll go somewhere new and you'll meet people that make you feel worth while again. Little pieces of your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted that will eventually begin to fade!"

I cried when I heard it because it hit so close to home! Its a scary place to be when you feel that lost and alone! I was glad when I found that exact scene to share with you guys!



Oh I get that life and love isnt easy but you come to a point where you wonder if its all worth it! For the first time in many years I didnt want to even get out of bed if my dad hadnt called me to let me know i could pick up the money that he sent me (that saved my ass) I wouldnt have gotten out of bed! I have so much to do to get out of this shit hole its not even funny and the saddest part is that i have to do it all on my own because hes working and doesnt seem interested in helping all that much! So i am over whelmed! I just feel so alone sometimes and like no matter how hard I try its never good enough! It breaks my heart to feel this way. But its worse to feel like you accomplished a great feet and you fixed a bad situation and it goes unnoticed and unappreciated
Ok I like the song I relate to it and thats what makes me like music!


I am calling tomorrow about a house we want to rent! We saw it today its small but has enough room and we can keep hitler BIG BONUS! once its cleaned up it should be nice! I just hope the guy will rent it to us and work with us on the deposit! I am also a bit nervous about renting a place cause sometimes it feels like he is so far away from me that he doesnt want to spend anytime with me at all! I dont want to get a place and end up as room mates that would KILL me! But I am going on faith here and hope that with the new house things will get better!
I love this but I am not a man hahah but it is beautiful!


So where i am heading I don't know I am trying to be a bit stronger to stand more on my own just in case I have to in the end. I find it the hardest thing I have ever done! If this doesnt work out I so dont want to be in any relationship for a while I need to learn to depend on myself to take care of me! I have spent my whole life taking care of everyone and all it has done is cause me heartache and debt! LOTS OF DEBT! I am trying not to let me being left alone hurt me so much and bring me to tears but its really hard to love someone who doesnt seem to care that hes hurting you!

REALLY LIKE THIS!


anyways I am really hoping for better days and hoping getting a new place will be the chance! I really believe I deserve a chance to have a good life! Well heres hoping!

hahahahaha

OK I WILL TRY TO..........


Love you guys thanks for listening! my new signature!

LOVE ALWAYS-IRELAND