I had a very good dream last night. It was one of those clearly obvious dreams with very obvious representations of my real life that my subconcous told me what to do about in life.
It started out with this girl came into town and I was so obsessed with her. She didn't appreciate me for shit but I couldnt get over here. I bought her clothes, cooked for her, gave her fine wine and treated her like a pampered princess. But she was just using me and I didn't see it. It took me a lot if wasted time and money to see the errors of my ways, but I finally broke up with her. My buddy told me to be weary of her but I didn't listen.
Jump forward to the next scene. I was on this spaceship where there were a bunch of idiots who were messing with the computer mainframe. They decided to switch the operatin system from Linux to Mac. I freaked out but I was outnumbered. I had to escape by going up stairs and up reverse direction escalators and eventually made it to the medical unit. There was this elegant and beautiful woman there. I was being a loud obnoxious shit head and she wasn't interested in me. She hen said she was a major in psychology and philosophy and I told her I was bipolar. I showed her I was a caring thoughtful and humble gentleman and we fell in love.
We had to escape the mutiny of the space station. We ended up on a sailor docks where we were running from people trying to steal and kidnap my new love. I asked a Jewish temple for sanction but they said they were now a church to the grim reaper and I was not welcomed. A short guy an a VERY lanky dude were chasing us. The lanky dude grabbed me from behind and trapped my arms and legs. I tried biting him but I couldn't get free. Thy ended up kidnapping my new love.
And then I woke up.
Now for the real life meaning of his dream.
My SG friend mayra and I became friends early December. She was moving to Eugene in the summer and I was so excited. She and I thought we would become good friends. The next few months we rarely spoke; I would message get and she wouldn't even read the messages(it shows if you saw/read them or not). She hasn't responded to me in over 2 months but I still had my mind set of her. Now that she is here and still has spoken to me, I have realized (like the girl in my dream) that I was having my heart and mind set on the wrong girl.
The spaceship was dealing with digital arts and how we had to use macs I HATE macs!!!! People don't want a technical program which translates my feeling of my school's digital art program. This school is a liberal arts college and not a technical school. They don't teach you the tools they only expose you to programs and tell you to create art. It is hard to find proficiency in a program you rarely get taught because you are just minimally exposed to it.
Meeting the girl has a couple parts to it. I've always been known as this loud energetic chaotic person who people can't handle. I consider myself a gentleman but because I am so loud I very rarely display it unless one on one with a person. I've been tryin to change into a true gentleman because I've never been a "bro". You'll never hear me say "oh dud got so tucks up and tapped that bitch!" That is absolutely disgusting to say and treats a woman (who. should be treated as a LADY) like a sex object. Fuck that. I want people to know me as this gentleman and when I'm a loud obnoxious chaotic shit head no one sees that side of me. That's why that girl was so put off. I the. Changed my ways and she saw the true side I want to show to people. I want to be that strong caring and thoughtful gentleman instead of a loud punk shit.
The church of the grim reaper meant that I need to move away from all the dark morbid shit I've held onto all my life. I read a quote somewhere saying (paraphrasing)" we are not afraid of our darkness, we are afraid out of light. We are afraid to be brilliant, beautiful, attractive, ambitious, caring. We need to grab deep within ourselves hat side and make it our whole being" I need to embrace that side of me and let go of all my baggage. I want to make true friends and have fun and enjoy life and not hold myself back by the thought of letting my darkness dictate my life. I got a calorie exercise app to record my weight loss and now after this dream am going to experience life the way I should be after all the shit I've been through. I want to have fun and laugh and be a free man of all the mental baggage and negative past I've been carrying with me for way too long.
The people trying to kidnap and hold me back are my current group of friends. They are drinking and doing drugs which I grew out of at 17 and I'm over 4 1/2 years sober. Like I've said for the past many blogs is to have adult relationships away from this college scene bullshit. I've found some clubs and support groups that will hopefully put me along this path. I need to stop waiting around for that social scene to happen and seek it out actively.
Every few weeks I have a very obvious metaphor dream that gives me direction in life. It is the best motivation I can get versus my support team and family. I'm ready to start this change I so desperately say I want but have been waiting around for and bitching about it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry for the log novel but it is really important that I wrote it down not only for myself but to mark my progress and to hopefully get some input to help me with this maturity transition.
Maybe other people can take something out of this too; I hope they can.
~Panda
It started out with this girl came into town and I was so obsessed with her. She didn't appreciate me for shit but I couldnt get over here. I bought her clothes, cooked for her, gave her fine wine and treated her like a pampered princess. But she was just using me and I didn't see it. It took me a lot if wasted time and money to see the errors of my ways, but I finally broke up with her. My buddy told me to be weary of her but I didn't listen.
Jump forward to the next scene. I was on this spaceship where there were a bunch of idiots who were messing with the computer mainframe. They decided to switch the operatin system from Linux to Mac. I freaked out but I was outnumbered. I had to escape by going up stairs and up reverse direction escalators and eventually made it to the medical unit. There was this elegant and beautiful woman there. I was being a loud obnoxious shit head and she wasn't interested in me. She hen said she was a major in psychology and philosophy and I told her I was bipolar. I showed her I was a caring thoughtful and humble gentleman and we fell in love.
We had to escape the mutiny of the space station. We ended up on a sailor docks where we were running from people trying to steal and kidnap my new love. I asked a Jewish temple for sanction but they said they were now a church to the grim reaper and I was not welcomed. A short guy an a VERY lanky dude were chasing us. The lanky dude grabbed me from behind and trapped my arms and legs. I tried biting him but I couldn't get free. Thy ended up kidnapping my new love.
And then I woke up.
Now for the real life meaning of his dream.
My SG friend mayra and I became friends early December. She was moving to Eugene in the summer and I was so excited. She and I thought we would become good friends. The next few months we rarely spoke; I would message get and she wouldn't even read the messages(it shows if you saw/read them or not). She hasn't responded to me in over 2 months but I still had my mind set of her. Now that she is here and still has spoken to me, I have realized (like the girl in my dream) that I was having my heart and mind set on the wrong girl.
The spaceship was dealing with digital arts and how we had to use macs I HATE macs!!!! People don't want a technical program which translates my feeling of my school's digital art program. This school is a liberal arts college and not a technical school. They don't teach you the tools they only expose you to programs and tell you to create art. It is hard to find proficiency in a program you rarely get taught because you are just minimally exposed to it.
Meeting the girl has a couple parts to it. I've always been known as this loud energetic chaotic person who people can't handle. I consider myself a gentleman but because I am so loud I very rarely display it unless one on one with a person. I've been tryin to change into a true gentleman because I've never been a "bro". You'll never hear me say "oh dud got so tucks up and tapped that bitch!" That is absolutely disgusting to say and treats a woman (who. should be treated as a LADY) like a sex object. Fuck that. I want people to know me as this gentleman and when I'm a loud obnoxious chaotic shit head no one sees that side of me. That's why that girl was so put off. I the. Changed my ways and she saw the true side I want to show to people. I want to be that strong caring and thoughtful gentleman instead of a loud punk shit.
The church of the grim reaper meant that I need to move away from all the dark morbid shit I've held onto all my life. I read a quote somewhere saying (paraphrasing)" we are not afraid of our darkness, we are afraid out of light. We are afraid to be brilliant, beautiful, attractive, ambitious, caring. We need to grab deep within ourselves hat side and make it our whole being" I need to embrace that side of me and let go of all my baggage. I want to make true friends and have fun and enjoy life and not hold myself back by the thought of letting my darkness dictate my life. I got a calorie exercise app to record my weight loss and now after this dream am going to experience life the way I should be after all the shit I've been through. I want to have fun and laugh and be a free man of all the mental baggage and negative past I've been carrying with me for way too long.
The people trying to kidnap and hold me back are my current group of friends. They are drinking and doing drugs which I grew out of at 17 and I'm over 4 1/2 years sober. Like I've said for the past many blogs is to have adult relationships away from this college scene bullshit. I've found some clubs and support groups that will hopefully put me along this path. I need to stop waiting around for that social scene to happen and seek it out actively.
Every few weeks I have a very obvious metaphor dream that gives me direction in life. It is the best motivation I can get versus my support team and family. I'm ready to start this change I so desperately say I want but have been waiting around for and bitching about it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry for the log novel but it is really important that I wrote it down not only for myself but to mark my progress and to hopefully get some input to help me with this maturity transition.
Maybe other people can take something out of this too; I hope they can.
~Panda
spectre_:
Lol yeah you never know what someone will sound like at first. Haha yeah that's my worry, giving birth at a party lol.