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inkdpanda

Eugene, OR

Member Since 2012

Followers 160 Following 396

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Saturday Dec 15, 2012

Dec 15, 2012
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So, i'm not going to lie, taking these pictures have actually made me pretty uncomfortable. I knew i was over-weight, and i always clench and hold my abs in to not let my fat gut hang out.

But I'm starting the INSANITY workout tomorrow. I've done it before. It isn't the death that people claim it to be, even being over-weight and a heavy smoker i can do them reasonably well. I just didn't realize how much weight I've gained since i was 174 for months.

I weigh 190 right now, and even when i was 174 i still had some weight to lose. I'm 5'7" and 190 pounds. I'm actually pretty insecure about my weight, even when i was 174. I always walked without my shirt on but when i did i always checked down to see the fat wasn't bouncing-it sounds really insecure and depressing but it's true. I think everyone goes through the "i want to lose weight" mentality but I don't know many people personally who go through with it. And I honestly have been a lazy fat ass playing video games and smoking cigarettes eating like crap instead of working out.

Truth is I love working out, it is the one time where i have literally no thoughts in my head. I don't have push yourself thoughts or honest to god any. You can call it meditation, but it is pretty much the exact opposite. I'm not focusing on myself, my breathing, my thoughts, I just focus on pushing so hard I am thoroughly exhausted from it that I say "I honestly don't care about anything anymore ever, just let me take a nice long shower."

And I'm not one of the people who go to the gym a few times and judge other people. But when I see people who have "let themselves go" to an amount I can honestly never understand how the fuck you could do that to yourself. I'm pretty athletic, I'd say I'm about 30-ish pounds overweight. I have a lot of muscle to begin with, so weight training, even lean high reps-low weight routines just build some muscle but they never burn the fat. And I can blow through them like a champ. When I was working out i (and can still do) the elliptical at 172 strides/min in 4 incline 1 resistance and 10 incline 8 resistance.

So in tradition with starting INSANITY here are my before pictures front and side without holding my gut in:




I can honestly say I feel vulnerable taking and posting these pictures, but I hope people won't judge and give me support through this issue in my life.

~Panda

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