Hey SG land!
Two imporant updates in this blog-first my before/after pictures of my mohawk.
Before(it was my artists idea to take them and it's awesome to see!)
AFTER:
INSANE right?! I haven't cut my hair since august and it turned out great! It was an alternative rock style hari salon AND they had one of the SG books on their shelf! AMAZING!
Second update-introspective thoughts:
I've been going through a lot of shit in the past few months. Shit i'm not proud of in many respects-myself, my family, my friends, and all of you. Ever since I stopped the Depakote(missed one dose and i was COMPLETELY back to my old self) and I had the dream I shared in my previous blog, it had me really examine my life.
It made me once again think of my tattoos and all their meanings. Their messages still hold true, and I am always so proud of my back tattoo. I say the meaning to a lot of people, but I feel ashamed I haven't lived up to it with all the shit going on. With the quarter over, school doesn't start for another month. I take that as a good and bad thing.
Bad becasue I had to drop out and didn't get to experience college in a good way. I didn't get to join clubs or make friends, and fully imerse myself in the college experience my family has always wanted. I have caused my dad so my stress, anxiety, worry, and ovrall negative thoughts about his decision to send me here. I've taken that all into account and have really examined the whole process.
It is a good thing that I didn't make some friends because I have cast and scared away the few people I met, and somewhat alienated myself within SG. I take this as an opportunity to cut my loses and restart. I get to restart my life with a whole new crowd, and re-establish who I am and who I want to be. Changing my major to cinema studies has really opened me to a whole new aspect of college-one that isn't a grind-and one that will be fun, eye-opening and fulfilling.I'm really excited for next quarter and all the possibilties it will bring and show me. I'm excited for new friends, new social scene, getting a job, and an overall radical change in my life.
Looking back at all my tattoos and how I have completely insulted their meanings(especially my back which had changed my life before) I took my new view on life and re-affirmed them with my tattoo meanings. My back is the most important one to start the change. I want people to know me for who I want to be, my goals, values, morals, dreams, and aspirations.
I HATE how everyone refers to me as Charlie-most people dont even know my name. People will come up to me and say that they're in my lecture when we have 100+ people in it and they say it's because I sound like Charlie. I fucking hate that and always have. I tried for a long time to use that angle to meet people, but in the end people remember me as someone who I never wanted to be known as to begin with. Now i'm done with that and pretty much everything I was before.
I am excited to change in a radial way. Getting my mohawk has also helped, because I really identify myself as part of the rock scene, and that it shows i'm not some random fuck conforming with society. Overall I feel ready and eager to start fresh.
One of my biggest regrets is bringing all this shit to SG, the one place I wanted people to know me as something different than a depressing intense person with a disturbing life that brings everyone down. Part of me feels like with each blog I have to re-enforce myself recovering, but mostly that this is the one place I truly share myself, and how much I am excited now for life and everything it will offer in the future.
So thank you to all of you who have put up with me, sent their love to me, and I truly feel this is a place I can call my home.
NOW THE BEST PART!!!!
RED PANDAS!
Two imporant updates in this blog-first my before/after pictures of my mohawk.
Before(it was my artists idea to take them and it's awesome to see!)
AFTER:
INSANE right?! I haven't cut my hair since august and it turned out great! It was an alternative rock style hari salon AND they had one of the SG books on their shelf! AMAZING!
Second update-introspective thoughts:
I've been going through a lot of shit in the past few months. Shit i'm not proud of in many respects-myself, my family, my friends, and all of you. Ever since I stopped the Depakote(missed one dose and i was COMPLETELY back to my old self) and I had the dream I shared in my previous blog, it had me really examine my life.
It made me once again think of my tattoos and all their meanings. Their messages still hold true, and I am always so proud of my back tattoo. I say the meaning to a lot of people, but I feel ashamed I haven't lived up to it with all the shit going on. With the quarter over, school doesn't start for another month. I take that as a good and bad thing.
Bad becasue I had to drop out and didn't get to experience college in a good way. I didn't get to join clubs or make friends, and fully imerse myself in the college experience my family has always wanted. I have caused my dad so my stress, anxiety, worry, and ovrall negative thoughts about his decision to send me here. I've taken that all into account and have really examined the whole process.
It is a good thing that I didn't make some friends because I have cast and scared away the few people I met, and somewhat alienated myself within SG. I take this as an opportunity to cut my loses and restart. I get to restart my life with a whole new crowd, and re-establish who I am and who I want to be. Changing my major to cinema studies has really opened me to a whole new aspect of college-one that isn't a grind-and one that will be fun, eye-opening and fulfilling.I'm really excited for next quarter and all the possibilties it will bring and show me. I'm excited for new friends, new social scene, getting a job, and an overall radical change in my life.
Looking back at all my tattoos and how I have completely insulted their meanings(especially my back which had changed my life before) I took my new view on life and re-affirmed them with my tattoo meanings. My back is the most important one to start the change. I want people to know me for who I want to be, my goals, values, morals, dreams, and aspirations.
I HATE how everyone refers to me as Charlie-most people dont even know my name. People will come up to me and say that they're in my lecture when we have 100+ people in it and they say it's because I sound like Charlie. I fucking hate that and always have. I tried for a long time to use that angle to meet people, but in the end people remember me as someone who I never wanted to be known as to begin with. Now i'm done with that and pretty much everything I was before.
I am excited to change in a radial way. Getting my mohawk has also helped, because I really identify myself as part of the rock scene, and that it shows i'm not some random fuck conforming with society. Overall I feel ready and eager to start fresh.
One of my biggest regrets is bringing all this shit to SG, the one place I wanted people to know me as something different than a depressing intense person with a disturbing life that brings everyone down. Part of me feels like with each blog I have to re-enforce myself recovering, but mostly that this is the one place I truly share myself, and how much I am excited now for life and everything it will offer in the future.
So thank you to all of you who have put up with me, sent their love to me, and I truly feel this is a place I can call my home.
NOW THE BEST PART!!!!
RED PANDAS!