I probably shouldn't be blogging right now but writing has always been the way I've best been able to deal with things, so... here we are... I don't wanna get into too much detail right now, for personal reasons & becos' I don't wanna piss on everybody else's parade, but I fucking hate July. most notably this 1st week of the month, and even more specifically, today, July the 3rd. it's a very dark memorial for me, lingering grief from many years gone that still hurts like I can't even believe, every. single. time... it's a long story, I guess. mostly I just miss Her (yes, it's one of those things, sort of). as I may have hinted in earlier posts, I'll talk more about that eventually, but not yet, especially not today. I'm always a fucking mess on July 3rd.
doesn't help that tomorrow is the 4th of July, which is a big fucking deal here in The States, as you probably know regardless of where you hail from. not exactly the best time to be reflective, brooding & mourning, since everybody else mostly just wants to celebrate in the loudest & least private ways possible. I try not to fault anyone too much for their enthusiasm & all, but fuck, it gets under my skin sometimes. at least my family, bless them, can be counted on to give me my breathing room for these few days, until I can get back to normal, or whatever the hell I'm trying to call "normal" these days...
anyways, I find myself here again, drawn to this one little corner of the internet that isn't an overflowing cesspit of unrelenting subhuman negativity. I really like it here, even if I'm not feeling up to commenting or interacting very much - lurking, I guess? Sorry if I come off that way. it's just nice to read comments & see interactions that are genuinely supportive & positive & all that good stuff. I'm a sucker for genuine human kindnesses, what can I say...
so, I've got my gloomy music (see below), some half-decent whiskey & many years of psychological dysfunction - time to catch up with SG-Land? yeah, I think I'll try to stick to mostly just throwing out as many +❤️s as possible - hopefully you'll all continue to excuse my general silence while I try to get a better handle on what I'll be doing health-wise in the weeks & months ahead. even without the annual July-related issues, I've probably got some rough roads ahead of me. Thanks in advance for your understanding & your continuing kindness, once again.
usually I'd add a picture of my dog here at the end, but I don't wanna drag him into my depressing shit this time. instead, here's a song that I've taken great comfort from over the years, particularly in hours like these. this is "July" by Katatonia, from The Great Cold Distance album, which has been an essential part of my collection since the moment I acquired it. seems like a whole lot of years ago...
an infinity of Love & Blessings to all of you, especially to all of the SGs, SG Hopefuls & every one of you in this community who have crossed my path in any way whatsoever since I've been fortunate enough to consider myself a part of this site. I can't fully express what it's meant to me, the way all of you share so much of yourselves in so many ways... I'm having a bit of trouble articulating the depth of my gratitude, since this has taken me almost 3 hours to write (and re-write, and re-write...) the whiskey probably isn't helping much, either. gotta try & cut myself off here - please take care of yourselves & take care of each other.
🖤 Love, Josh
