indiebuddhist

Your comment .. is exactly right. My consciousness is a giant, tail-chasing .. clusterfuck. It's self-perpetuating. It's PROBABLY 95% in my head [the 5% being that it had to originate from somewhere, I figure, so there's a kernel of truth] .. but I just get so caught up.

As rational and conscious of this as I am, though -- doesn't stop it from being the case when it happens. Sigh. My only saving grace is that I actually keep thinking I can change this [imagined or not] "behavioral issue" and so I keep "barging in" and .. whatever. So I just have TERRIBLE social anxiety, but I fake it in hopes of eventually coming off the right way.. and either other people see these things or they don't.

;]

thank u!