So after struggling to just be friends and "work on things" the ex and I are finally into "completely done forever" territory.
Needless to say I'm pretty crushed. In 28 years she was the first person I've pursued romantically who was equally interested in me, who wanted to build something instead of just pad their ego while they waited for the guy they really wanted.
Or maybe she wasn't, and I'm just so unused to the attention that I'm naieve enough to fall for the "I'll love you forever" trap because it's the first time it was used on me.
I'm just...kinda rudderless right now. I've got two dates that I just don't even want to go on anymore this weekend, and a strong urge to just meld into nothingness. And no, it's not suicidal tendencies. I can separate the desire to temporarily not exist from the potential desire to end my life (I've never had the latter).
Just realized I have no idea why I'm typing this. There's no thesis, there's no call to action. Anyway I hope my followers are having a better hump day than I am.
