illuminatus

worse has happened. worse will happen. but the worst has yet to be.

i have six handwritten pages i need to transfer onto here. maybe i will come back around and edit this....

for now, i would like to share an experience:

ever close your eyes, and find yourself staring into a cave. a never ending cave, cold and dark, haunted by thousands of cries from lost souls, not dead, just lost. creatures and evil lurking everywhere. you stare into it, and all you can feel is cold, and alone. you feel the life leaving you, and your body becomes nothing. your just a soul, floating in absence, debating on whether to turn back or move ahead. i was terrified, i turned back, never to return to that place.

ever look into the eyes of a man who went into that cave? watch his motionless body, curled up into a ball, head down, only the sounds of his heavy breathing, his terrified breathing. to watch him awake, and catch a brief glimpse of a sight i will never forget. i have never seen so much fear in someone's eyes. never saw a look like that, and i will never forget what happened next. a panicking shriek from his lungs, he threw himself off his bed, head first onto the floor. his screams only pausing momentarily for breath, without lifting his head, he dragged his body in a manner that i could only refer to the movie "the exorsist" to explain into the bathroom, coming to a crashing halt when he hit the wall... then silence again. back into a ball, sniffling, heavy breathing. motionless again.

a sight that will forever haunt me. my dear friend, cory. a sight that no amount of physics or no passage from the bible could explain. the feeling of his screams, his motions, his rigidness in that ball. that look. he went to the only place i decided to never go. that day, i stopped practicing my kineasthetics.