day four:
so the battle for my integrity rages on. consistently fighting an urge i have held onto for so long. one that i have embraced and fell back on so many times before. for the first time in my life, i am WILLINGLY staying sober over the weekend. for the first time in my life, i am denying alcohol that i gave into and rationalized so often before.
but its the weekend! it says. you've had a tough week, it tells me. its just one, it whispers softly into my ear. my denial proves my strength, yet again, i prove my strength.
i drew a picture to elaborate on the main focus of my night life. its rather depressing.
after drawing this, it became perfectly clear that change... was necessary. without it, i could not progress my life any further. first, ill attack alcohol. then... anything else that needs to be cleansed from my life. just to put this up, this is one i drew a couple days ago... completely free style, no plan, just what came out of my mind letting my hand go.
reminds me of more of my life. how i went from the beauty and serenity of the park on the right, to the pollution and traffic and chaos on the left. i still miss home.
i decided to regress to myself, i guess to prove my past alcoholism, and i went further than i expected to. all the way back to the days of the old. back when it wasnt alcohol, rather it was ecstasy, dope, acid, anything that could fuck me up, i did. having thought about this, and something a friend posted a couple days ago, inspired me to do the same.
A recent picture and 24 interesting facts about yourself:
in my searching through my past, i found a lot of things from YEARS and YEARS ago. songs from way back in the day. figured i would share them with everybody. you can tell which ones i wrote on some sort of psychotropic.
discriminating eyes
word flow
lullaby, i lost
pacification
the pain
visions
who knows how many misspells there were in those. i pulled them from old blogs and what not. couple of them i had to type, still had the original writing.
so, update on other little things. my puppy search is not progressing as well as i had hoped. im in the market for a min pin, loves those little guys. i visited a young girl today, but with her energy and LACK of training, its just not a good idea to get her. i have, however, found one at the shelter. 3 years old (a little older than what im looking for, but itll do) trained, neutered, all shots and vaccines, and cute as can be. meet the hopefully soon to be.... Titan:
my visit to meet the young puppy girl brought me to the area my sister lives in. so i made a visit. of course, i had to take pictures of my other pups!!! and man kenai is selfish with me! anytime the others get close she growls like no other. lol
the trip itself was fun, i hadnt driven my car such a distance, or on the highway for that matter, in such a long time. this is what my rides are like...
gets kinda bumpy at 110.
though i love the highway's many lanes, i despise its traffic. note the fucking prius that stopped me from hitting about 125... asshole. lol
when i get to here in my drive, like a mile from home, temperature drops a few degrees instantly. it feels fucking good. looks better than the rest of the drive, as well.
storm just ended outside. and my favorite thing about it actually happened. the sky and everything else turned orange. i love it.
Ahahah.
Then I woke up and couldn't remember what I wanted to say to you. :/