illuminatus

time for some free writing?

yesterday was one of the greatest days ever. in the morning, i changed my oil, rotated my tires, thanked my sunday night designated driver and a couple other people who were nice to me that night, then.... nothing. the rest of the night. my roommate went to work for the night, and i was all alone, movies and video games to entertain me. no human contact, and no higher cognitive running around like a ferret on crack. it was internally quiet, drama free, and finally i achieved a sort of peace of mind.

a couple weeks ago, i made a contact with a company called dyncorp. they do civilian contracting in places like iraq. great pay, and not bad work, either. over the weekend, i found a few job openings they have i am interested in. with this piece of mind and my focus on games, my subconscious got to really play around, and i figured some shit out.

seems i may go and try to work for this company for about a year, then i know where im moving to. i know what im going to do. im going home. i miss that place, i miss the people, i miss its focus on the quality of life rather than how fast it can move. i miss my family. i want to open my shop there. with the money i make for dyncorp, should be very simple to build and get it started.

if i can do this, if i can make it and have my shop near my home, well, there would be no more need for rapid progress. i could finally settle myself down and ride the waves as they approach me. i could be with my family and watch the children grow, watch my nephews through their lives. watch my sister graduate high school. see the look of joy on my mother's face. i could help her whenever she needs it. i could be part of my family again.

i could.... start my own.

thats what i want. thats where i want to be. thats who i want to be. i want to be that man that few choice people go to, the man that has something to come home to. i want to raise a child the way no one ever raised me. ill actually teach him how to read and write. ill be there for him when he has his first break up. ill show him how to shave, and answer his questions. the way nobody ever did for me. i want to give someone the life i only ever dreamed of. i want a family to hold and care for, to protect, to laugh and play with. someone who can hold me when i need it. and someone who just wants me to hold them.

that is the person i will be.

EDIT:
oh yeah, a couple pictures from the weekend. nothing crazy.

and yes, he did make it to safety!


my onion ring says NO!


two birds on a wire. the one on the right had his head to the side, it was as if they were talking about me as i did my oil. i dunno, i thought it was slightly humorous.


to the west, it was sunny. to the south it was dark. to the east, well, this was just cool. just gotta think how thick it must have been for my phone camera to get a decent shot of it.