illuminatus

its strange that such a lack of communication with those i consider friends should occur at the time i have so much i want to discuss....

chicago's arguement of bringing the national gaurd

the immigration reform taking place in arizona

people flying out of country to surgery because its so incredibly cheap

the effects the carribean oil leak has on our current nation

mankinds search...
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today, i can accredit my current mind set to my subconscious, as i have allowed it to absorb everything over the past week free of any bias from emotion or thought. i spent the day in a way that is very unfamiliar to me. aside from cleaning my garage, everything else was far from my usual. after the garage was clean, i sat in it...
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first of all, id like to start this entry by proclaiming that through last nights shocking wave of tears, i have made an evolutionary leap forward in my attempted reincarnation of my former, more desirable, self. allowing such emotions to overrun my mind throughout the night gave me a mental clarity today that has been more than rewarding. the intuitive and intellectual side that i...
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i have had a lot written from the past few days. things about the va hospital, my diagnosis, and other things. some trips into my mind again, but im figuring for the time being to keep the unexciting things on paper for now. there really is no reason for me to bring those things onto here anymore, no need to share them blindly with people....
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decent day. due to bad internet, i guess ill post details later

EDIT:
im STILL fucking waiting on the damn va office to call me so i can make a damn appointment. this damn va health care system still sucks damn ass!!!!! AHHHHH FUCK!

well, back from my fort hood trip....

met puppies, hung with friends, cooked some good food, played with snakes.... took some pictures

BUT.... upon my return to houston, i find our internet is down due to lack of payment... yay. so im here hacking from the neighbors, but the reception on the wireless is shitty, so not sure i have the bandwidth to even put...
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so staying away isnt really helping that much. i need to talk.

yesterday was depressing in the "i miss her sense" and i wrote this:

going on hiatus.....
dont know how long...

it's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right.

my pain is only strengthening.
my strength is only weakening.
my heart, dissipating.
my mind, terrorizing.

for the first time since the death of my brother.... i am.... depressed.

my life... so lonely, so lost.
myself.... so far away.

i find it harder and harder to smile...
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as is usual with me, i always seem to know something about myself that is a problem, yet i dont see it that way. it usually takes the statement of another to make it obvious to me. sad thing is... once i see it, at first i enter this weird stage of internal dissidence, where i start to have conflicting thoughts and arguments in my...
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someone please.... beat the fucking shit out of me

oh fuck it....

spent some days with friends, had laughs, still here. pictures to come in a couple days...

so boy meets girl. both have fun. doesnt pan out so well...

so in my brain storming for my "religion in politics" writing, an amazing realization has occured with me....


religion is the root of all evil deeds.

i cannot remain in the religious stance i once stated, as a general christian, supporting a religion by mere name that i cannot stand at all.

theist will be the official claim for me. there is a god that...
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