igobymanynames

Nothing happened today. I guess that's good, but I still don't like it. Tomorrow will certainly be different.

Somehow my brother's misfortune has awoken in me something I have been missing for the past year and a half. I've been building toward it lately, but I think I have as much as is possible now. It's all I need. Me again.

O brother I'm sorry we used to drop you in the washing machine and the dryer and laugh when you cried. I'm sorry I scared you when you were little. I'm sorry I didn't teach you how to pick yourself up. I tried but too late. I'm sorry I didn't slow my life down sooner so I would know what iti is you needed and...
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A freind told me that beauty is when something or one makes her brain stop working. I agree.

People are very very close-minded even in the most diverse and eccentric places.

People are dumb, self-effacing, half-hearted, self-destructive, lazy, and a gazzillion other sad and pitiful things.

I yet to figure out why I love them all so much.

oh wait, I feel the bell jar descending, justt in time

okay so today I am going shopping for a wig, hosiery, make-up and a little black dress. I'm going to a party that I will make my return drag in. It's been years. My expectations are higher for my attire this time though. Really all I'm looking to do is turn myself on. Turning on a few others wouldn't be so bad either.

At work...
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In the last two days I watched:

Baise Moi - Highly disturbing. I shuddered every time cerain parts popped in to my head. But the story was told well. I like some of the subtleties of the characters. I don't think most people could watch this film though.

Woman Under the Influence - Jesus Chrst. It was like watching my mother without medication. A little...
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I can't relax for the life of me. Can't read, Can't write, Can't focus, enough to even watch a movie.

Can't even write a journal entry.

Maybe I'll just go to sleep. Yeah, that sounds good.

Once again, I am the consumate misanthrop this afternoon. For once I would like someone to realize that there was nothing to gain by coming at me for a test of power, the test and validation of egos, because I just don't play those games. And really, they don't want me to either. For months I've been doing my best not to react to these...
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What a beautiful beautiful night. I wish I had a camera phone so I could show everyone what I saw... It's not enough just to see it though anymore.

Maybe I'll write more later.

The clutch oon my car went out just as I was maiking my way to the Thanksgiving festivities. I made it and then I came back to the apt so I could take care of the car first thing this morning. It's now being towed for $80 So they can look at it and so "you need a new clutch. That'll be 500 please" and...
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sleep