Wow. So my doctor put me on Remeron to help with the depression I've been experiencing. Therapy has been going well but it seems that my wife's death has pushed my bipolar disorder in a whole new direction. The depression has been more severe than ever before and while I've been showing all the sign of recovering well from the grief I haven't been recovering emotionally as well.
I'm used to there being a big difference between my cognitive world and my emotional one, but this split is extremely severe. Doc thought by putting me on a second antidepressant we might be able to correct it. Remeron was the choice. OH MY FUCKING GODS. I don't think I'm ever likely to experiment with a hallucinogenic now. Every night I took the med, and the last 2 nights since I stopped taking it I've been trapped in nightmarish trip cycles that just won't quit. The worst was this:
In the dream my wife, myself and three of our best friends were all gathered together around this weird well of power. We summoned up the power to dissolve this Universe and create a new one. So everything melted and began swirling together in this huge kaleidoscopic pool of energy. Our consciousnesses began to merge. But then these three Gamer-Nerds began refusing to merge because they didn't want to to give up their favorite game characters. We melted and reformed over and over again. We kept ending up as jigsaw puzzle pieces and figurines in a comic store, or Marvel action figures, all because they wouldn't accept transcendence. Every time I woke up my vision was covered by this swirling rainbow light that made everything move and shift on me.
Then when I was awake I suffered these massive headaches and the sensation that my skin was too tight. Apparently these are NORMAL, hangover side-affects. Good gods. I've stopped taking the meds but they're taking forever to fade. It's really messing with me.
As for how else I'm doing, well, things are going one day at a time. I'm doing my best to take care of my boys and myself, though more them than me. That's about all I can do.
I'm used to there being a big difference between my cognitive world and my emotional one, but this split is extremely severe. Doc thought by putting me on a second antidepressant we might be able to correct it. Remeron was the choice. OH MY FUCKING GODS. I don't think I'm ever likely to experiment with a hallucinogenic now. Every night I took the med, and the last 2 nights since I stopped taking it I've been trapped in nightmarish trip cycles that just won't quit. The worst was this:
In the dream my wife, myself and three of our best friends were all gathered together around this weird well of power. We summoned up the power to dissolve this Universe and create a new one. So everything melted and began swirling together in this huge kaleidoscopic pool of energy. Our consciousnesses began to merge. But then these three Gamer-Nerds began refusing to merge because they didn't want to to give up their favorite game characters. We melted and reformed over and over again. We kept ending up as jigsaw puzzle pieces and figurines in a comic store, or Marvel action figures, all because they wouldn't accept transcendence. Every time I woke up my vision was covered by this swirling rainbow light that made everything move and shift on me.
Then when I was awake I suffered these massive headaches and the sensation that my skin was too tight. Apparently these are NORMAL, hangover side-affects. Good gods. I've stopped taking the meds but they're taking forever to fade. It's really messing with me.
As for how else I'm doing, well, things are going one day at a time. I'm doing my best to take care of my boys and myself, though more them than me. That's about all I can do.
tilpacer:
Those are some fucked up meds dude. Glad you are off that stuff.