Let me start this one off by thanking the people close to me. My friends have been the best a guy could hope for to an old-ass 27 year old like myself. Especially thesonofidris.
That said, I've been trying to welcome new people into my life (re: girls), only to be let down. Drama on all fronts. I can't stand it. I've always said I've lived drama free, and up until recently, I thought that was true. Someone who falls into this drama category told me that I got used to being in a relationship (after 5 years) and that I'm trying to recreate that. I like being single, but is it so wrong to want a closeness, or the makings of closeness with someone? To share a quiet moment, with no expectations for each other? To have someone on my mind, and not lose sleep over if I'm on hers or not?
There was a girl who really helped me to face the fact that I wasn't into my near 5-year relationship. When I broke it off, we went on a couple of good dates, and I've gotten nothing but mixed signals and schoolyard drama since. This was early May. It's now August 21st. I'm done. Done. I can't take the drama. I actually had an anxiety attack last week because of her. At work. I've never had one of those. It's bullshit, and I don't need it. Especially at work.
I've been feeling pretty lame since Sunday. Yesterday. Maybe I'm just coming down off my weekend. The 3-Day birthday was awesome, had the self esteem up pretty high. Drank, saw Phil Shane, saw Superbad (which is fucking awesome). Bought & watched Bubba Ho-Tep. Bought & played Guitar Hero 2. Bought a new phone, too. Drank some more. Then back to the grind last night. Liquor inventory. Trying to keep my shift under 9 hours so I can make it out for a couple Guinness before bed. Manager meeting today @ 3, then out after just after midnight. I lost my coherence on the shift. Got "fuzzy." It's when I lock it into auto-pilot because I can't think or see clearly. I let my hands go where they need to go, I talk to who I need to talk to, I get my job done, but it's just going through the motions. EVERY shift was like that before I quit the first time, 3 years ago. I wasn't the boss then. I am now. I hope it's not happening again. Of course distraction seems to be the noun on my mind these days. I'm working on getting focused. I'm trying to get all my lil' ducks in a lil' row...
I need a new hobby.
EDIT: Is it more or less brooding to go from Elvis Costello & Burt Bacharach - Painted From Memory, to Fiona Apple - Tidal? I think I need to change Miss Apple up for something less... tortured.
That said, I've been trying to welcome new people into my life (re: girls), only to be let down. Drama on all fronts. I can't stand it. I've always said I've lived drama free, and up until recently, I thought that was true. Someone who falls into this drama category told me that I got used to being in a relationship (after 5 years) and that I'm trying to recreate that. I like being single, but is it so wrong to want a closeness, or the makings of closeness with someone? To share a quiet moment, with no expectations for each other? To have someone on my mind, and not lose sleep over if I'm on hers or not?
There was a girl who really helped me to face the fact that I wasn't into my near 5-year relationship. When I broke it off, we went on a couple of good dates, and I've gotten nothing but mixed signals and schoolyard drama since. This was early May. It's now August 21st. I'm done. Done. I can't take the drama. I actually had an anxiety attack last week because of her. At work. I've never had one of those. It's bullshit, and I don't need it. Especially at work.
I've been feeling pretty lame since Sunday. Yesterday. Maybe I'm just coming down off my weekend. The 3-Day birthday was awesome, had the self esteem up pretty high. Drank, saw Phil Shane, saw Superbad (which is fucking awesome). Bought & watched Bubba Ho-Tep. Bought & played Guitar Hero 2. Bought a new phone, too. Drank some more. Then back to the grind last night. Liquor inventory. Trying to keep my shift under 9 hours so I can make it out for a couple Guinness before bed. Manager meeting today @ 3, then out after just after midnight. I lost my coherence on the shift. Got "fuzzy." It's when I lock it into auto-pilot because I can't think or see clearly. I let my hands go where they need to go, I talk to who I need to talk to, I get my job done, but it's just going through the motions. EVERY shift was like that before I quit the first time, 3 years ago. I wasn't the boss then. I am now. I hope it's not happening again. Of course distraction seems to be the noun on my mind these days. I'm working on getting focused. I'm trying to get all my lil' ducks in a lil' row...
I need a new hobby.
EDIT: Is it more or less brooding to go from Elvis Costello & Burt Bacharach - Painted From Memory, to Fiona Apple - Tidal? I think I need to change Miss Apple up for something less... tortured.
for me what i miss the most is having someone to go to sleep with and to wake up with. we're social creatures and like to have that closeness with someone else. give yourself a break - sounds like you need to heal a bit.
It'd be nice to have someone that wants to hang when I do. Maybe stay over once in a while.