somedays i dont feel like i worked hard at all. today i feel like ive worked hard. ha. my legs hurt and my shoulder does too. i smacked it good with a pry bar. right in the spot where it will hurt the most. it wasnt really that bad but in that spot its gonna hurt for another day. ive been pretty mellow. not emotion thats been dominating other than i just dont want to do alot of things. i'll like think to myself to go outside and do this, then like a switch i'll just not want to do it and stop and go back and sit down. this veterans day it makes me want to be in the army like i wanted too when i was like 10. i should own saving private ryan too. that movie is just so good. it shows a worse side of wars john wayne movies just dont cover. the ol' lady is still weird. thats like #1 supreme in my head. i still just dont know what to do about her. shut me out i guess, let that happen. i mean what can i do. some people like me get motivated by swift kicks in the ass. she surely isnt one of them. no matter how much i ask want and try to help her figure out why shes doing the whole shut me out thing "i dont know" is all i get. i try and fire her up alittle with words of encouragment and optimism (which 9 out of 10 times ismt me) she goes speachless. what would jesus do? im preaching. i dont have my aposile. with out my aposile im a crazy guy. her friend says its the stress on her. maybe so. there are like a hundred reasons floating in my head and they dont always totally match up. so my future is to just do things to make my self better. be better at work not be that lazy. write like a mad man. all though we dont always follow the same proceedue so sometimes i appear lazy. that due to lack of structure. ive slowly been trying to train my self to be paying attention more and write shit down as i go not in one big clump. i just gotta keep saving money. ive gotta get the VW thing moving again. alot of it is trips to the dmv and well the DMV is whorendus! i love inventing words BTW. you cant go there on your lunch break. youll spend that hour in line and they fucking work the same hours i do. when i do have a friday off i dont want to move. going out in public is nothing i feel like doing. i guess im just in a blah mood. not really easily pissed not really laughing like i used too and not in the mood to do anything for that matter at all. i just want to go to work come home and repeat. save money. need to be doing that. ive paid all the tool people off so i owe no one anything. now i gotta have it be the job of avoiding temptations to buy things. it is very hard to do with me having money to buy things. used to keep my wallet empty cuz i liked using cash. now i found out plastic works just as easily. ha. im bad. i guess thats all i got. nothing too great. remember i feel blah. like a machine work then home. help me snap out of this. someone? anyone? who am i kidding no ones gonna help. no one reads this crap anyways. its all on me. i need new SG friends too. i deleted most of them for being lazy friends and still eyeing a few. i forgot how i got to know most of you.