I'm no good at making decisions anymore. After having no choices with anything it seems like decisions come aplenty when you are least prepared to decide. Do this or do that eat this eat that... fuck what fuck.
I was invited to go out to this placed called Thursday's tomorrow. I don't know I mean it would be nice to go out but dancing it something I've always dreaded. They place pretty cool music from what I hear but I don't know. If it was going with someone I knew better I would feel better about the whole thing but meeting some girl who just recently began talking to me on the internet I mean come on. You think I would just stop talking to anyone who says anything to me via the internet but no I'll never learn besides talking to someone might be cool. They do seem a bit different than me but then again most people I come across fit into that category. I know a few girls I use to date go to that place on occassion too so I don't know that would be weird even though I have to say I'm still on good terms with them for the most part. I've never been able to be friends with someone afterwards though it's a bit weird... eww I hope Abby wouldn't be there.
Monday is suppose to be my first day at AllState and I'm a bit nervous about that. I also got a call for a interview at this place my friend referred me too... it would be awesome to work with her I just wish they would of called me a lot sooner. It's a bit far away so I don't know and jobs always take for ever to actually get hired into. The hours would be a lot sweeter too something like 8-5 instead of 11:45-8:15. I hate the whole new job thing I always feel so awkward. I suppose all these potential new things coming along could be cool though I've been really needing some change. Things tend to grow stale much to quick for my liking.
I need more caffiene... it's become my new vice since I quit smoking a while back. I really wish smoking wasn't so umm deadly or just crappy because I do miss it a lot at times. Oh sweet nicoteen
it's kind of a social vice as well smokers always unite since well everyone else doesn't want to be around them. I don't miss all the money that shit cost though I think when I quit packs where up over 3 dollars from like 1.75 when I first started which is some real bullshit. anyways that is all for today ... I'm home alone 
I was invited to go out to this placed called Thursday's tomorrow. I don't know I mean it would be nice to go out but dancing it something I've always dreaded. They place pretty cool music from what I hear but I don't know. If it was going with someone I knew better I would feel better about the whole thing but meeting some girl who just recently began talking to me on the internet I mean come on. You think I would just stop talking to anyone who says anything to me via the internet but no I'll never learn besides talking to someone might be cool. They do seem a bit different than me but then again most people I come across fit into that category. I know a few girls I use to date go to that place on occassion too so I don't know that would be weird even though I have to say I'm still on good terms with them for the most part. I've never been able to be friends with someone afterwards though it's a bit weird... eww I hope Abby wouldn't be there.
Monday is suppose to be my first day at AllState and I'm a bit nervous about that. I also got a call for a interview at this place my friend referred me too... it would be awesome to work with her I just wish they would of called me a lot sooner. It's a bit far away so I don't know and jobs always take for ever to actually get hired into. The hours would be a lot sweeter too something like 8-5 instead of 11:45-8:15. I hate the whole new job thing I always feel so awkward. I suppose all these potential new things coming along could be cool though I've been really needing some change. Things tend to grow stale much to quick for my liking.
I need more caffiene... it's become my new vice since I quit smoking a while back. I really wish smoking wasn't so umm deadly or just crappy because I do miss it a lot at times. Oh sweet nicoteen
it's kind of a social vice as well smokers always unite since well everyone else doesn't want to be around them. I don't miss all the money that shit cost though I think when I quit packs where up over 3 dollars from like 1.75 when I first started which is some real bullshit. anyways that is all for today ... I'm home alone VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
I have to say I'm not too keen on the idea of being alone the rest of my life but I know there are worst outcomes out there. I won't force myself into something for the sake of having something there. I do agree internet relationships are just ugh well at least in my experience. People seem exciting at first but if I can't physically see them and hang out with them then my interest in that whole thing dies out soon. Looks only play a slight role for me I mean there must be some semblence of physical attractiveness for me but I defintly have to enjoy who they are as a person. I need someone with strong character and a unique personality because otherwise I just have trouble staying interested. People try to tell me things like intelligence won't matter if I find someone I love but I dont think I am shallow like that with intelligence more so than with looks I could date a ugly person but I dont think I could a stupid person.
As far as friends go I can't stand any of mine at the moment. They haven't done anything but that is part of it... I don't feel that important to any of my friends and well that is something I require at times. That is one thing I enjoy a lot more about a relationship you get full attention and you're made to feel important. I have trouble getting remotely close to people though lately it seems some part of me malfunctions and Ijust do my best to piss them off so they go away. I don't know part of me always wonders what if someone else is better for me and I don't think that is a thought I should have if I'm with someone.
Man me too. I am always doing this. Every person I have been with since, well, forever, I've never thought was the one for me. I'm always looking elsewhere and wondering. I'm always thinking there has to be a better match for me. This is one thing that amde me believe myself to be borderline. Borderline people do this all the time.
And I have to agree about intelligence. With some of my more brilliant friends, When I think about them I think that I could possibly date them even though I don't find them physically attractive, I do intellectually. But with the more attractive people that are, well, sort of stupid, I can't imagine ever dating them.
I know I'm shallow with intelligence and I don't really care. Otherwise, I'll just sit there and think about how stupid the person is until it gets on my nerves so much that I say something mean to them.
Then I feel like an ass.