Getting Fucked
I love to get fucked. But not like this.
I'm attending Portland State University in the fall, for two reasons. First, the campus is in the middle of downtown Portland, which rocks socks. Second, Portland is about as far away as I can get from where I've been spending the past year and a half, which also rocks socks. Unfortunately, PSU is trying to fuck me. Wonderful.
I got my acceptance letter on July 12th. Due to the fact that I live on the other side of the country, I also applied for on-campus housing about a day or two later. As a transfer student, living on-campus is a no-brainer...trying to find housing outside campus, either in the city or in the outskirts, is going to be difficult to say the least. They say that they'll get back to students about housing by the end of July.
Today I call them up, and the bitch on the phone immediately makes it clear that she would rather have a shotgun enema than talk to me for longer than 10 seconds. She informs me that because my housing application was late, I should probably look into off-campus housing. I informed her that I didn't get my acceptance letter (with the info I needed to complete the housing app) until after the deadline. She said that I should look into off-campus housing. I told her I was out-of-state, and doing so would be an issue...was there any way PSU could help? She countered that argument with "Um...you should look for off-campus housing." I told her she was a fucking parrot, and should eat shit and die. Fortunately, she was preoccupied with picking the wedgie out of her ass, because she didn't hear me.
"Well," I said, "When will I hear one way or the other?"
"Oh, I dunno...probably not until the end of August."
THE END OF FUCKING AUGUST? Are you fucking kidding me? I've got to be out there for orientation on the 15th, and they're giving me 2 WEEKS TO FINALIZE MY HOUSING PLANS. WHAT THE FUCK!?
I really, really, really want to go to PDX, but this is fucking bullshit. I thought my decisions were made, but obviously I've now got to string along CU-Boulder and Ohio State just in case PSU decides to really fuck me with an un-lubricated 18 inch spike.
In other, unrelated news:
The preppy bitch that I slayed at BuffStock is, as I type this, begging me to talk dirty to her...through text messages. When did phone-sex turn into text-sex? How is that even possible? Plus, I'm afraid that if I talk dirty to her, she'll have a heart attack.
Why, you ask?
Well, let's take a look at what she considered "dirty talk." (These are actual quotes from foreplay to orgasm.)
"Touch my boobies" (Maybe she gets off on acting like a little girl?)
"Rub my love-button" (I almost started laughing when that one came out.)
"You have a nice fanny." (Fanny? Really?)
"Oh. my. god. I'm. gonna. have. an. orgasm."
How can I talk dirty to a girl who doesn't say "fuck" "dick" "pussy" "clit" "cum" or "ass"?
I love to get fucked. But not like this.
I'm attending Portland State University in the fall, for two reasons. First, the campus is in the middle of downtown Portland, which rocks socks. Second, Portland is about as far away as I can get from where I've been spending the past year and a half, which also rocks socks. Unfortunately, PSU is trying to fuck me. Wonderful.
I got my acceptance letter on July 12th. Due to the fact that I live on the other side of the country, I also applied for on-campus housing about a day or two later. As a transfer student, living on-campus is a no-brainer...trying to find housing outside campus, either in the city or in the outskirts, is going to be difficult to say the least. They say that they'll get back to students about housing by the end of July.
Today I call them up, and the bitch on the phone immediately makes it clear that she would rather have a shotgun enema than talk to me for longer than 10 seconds. She informs me that because my housing application was late, I should probably look into off-campus housing. I informed her that I didn't get my acceptance letter (with the info I needed to complete the housing app) until after the deadline. She said that I should look into off-campus housing. I told her I was out-of-state, and doing so would be an issue...was there any way PSU could help? She countered that argument with "Um...you should look for off-campus housing." I told her she was a fucking parrot, and should eat shit and die. Fortunately, she was preoccupied with picking the wedgie out of her ass, because she didn't hear me.
"Well," I said, "When will I hear one way or the other?"
"Oh, I dunno...probably not until the end of August."
THE END OF FUCKING AUGUST? Are you fucking kidding me? I've got to be out there for orientation on the 15th, and they're giving me 2 WEEKS TO FINALIZE MY HOUSING PLANS. WHAT THE FUCK!?
I really, really, really want to go to PDX, but this is fucking bullshit. I thought my decisions were made, but obviously I've now got to string along CU-Boulder and Ohio State just in case PSU decides to really fuck me with an un-lubricated 18 inch spike.
In other, unrelated news:
The preppy bitch that I slayed at BuffStock is, as I type this, begging me to talk dirty to her...through text messages. When did phone-sex turn into text-sex? How is that even possible? Plus, I'm afraid that if I talk dirty to her, she'll have a heart attack.
Why, you ask?
Well, let's take a look at what she considered "dirty talk." (These are actual quotes from foreplay to orgasm.)
"Touch my boobies" (Maybe she gets off on acting like a little girl?)
"Rub my love-button" (I almost started laughing when that one came out.)
"You have a nice fanny." (Fanny? Really?)
"Oh. my. god. I'm. gonna. have. an. orgasm."
How can I talk dirty to a girl who doesn't say "fuck" "dick" "pussy" "clit" "cum" or "ass"?
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
^^ that made me lol
Good luck with all that. I never had a problem with housing because I went to a small liberal arts school (we could have dorm housing all four years), but I do understand the frustration of dealing with the student affairs staff! Ugh.