hemightbegiant

So as I may have mentioned in previous posts, Mike dumped Zefer.

This brings up two emotions in me.

One: There is a part of me that feels pleasure in knowing that she is in pain. Call me sadistic, call me a bastard...call me an evil person...whatever. Part of me feels that she deserves it for being a whore.

Two: Anger.
He stole her from me because "he loved her." He risked losing his best friend because "he loved her."
I haven't cried in almost 2 years...
2 years with no emotional release. That's a LONG time.
I've been afraid to feel love for another human being. Fuck...I dumped a girl who quite possibly was my soul mate. (Whitney) because of all the bullshit that went down with Me, Mike and Zefer...
(I wasn't ready to open up as much as I would have had to with Whitney. It seriously could have been very real with her...and I fucked it up...)
and I forgave him because I honestly thought he loved her and stole her to marry her...

but now...after all that...he dumps her and chases after another girl.

What...the...fuck?

I had locked away my anger. I had put it to rest. But now it's bubbling over and I really just want to settle it with fists.
I'm not talking how Mike and I used to fight for fun...with gloves and no head shots. I'm talking full on fist fight. Black eyes, broken noses...whatever.

I know...violence isn't the answer...
but they both stole something from me...and now it doesn't even fucking mean anything. My martyrdom meant NOTHING.
I suffered...for no fucking reason at all.

Doesn't seem fair is all.

And I'm done whining now.

-Me