hellstorm

ooooh, i would so love your aunts house too. LOL! i love old houses.

i agree about the kid thing. i always hated being told those things. really rotten.

my sister went to grief counseling after my brother died, ooooh did my mom not like that! she doesnt believe in counseling at all.......and is in complete denial that anyone in our family should go.

she called it off?????

yup, my sister called off her wedding. she plans on moving in with the moron and seeing how that works out before she figures out whether or not they are getting married.

ooooh! she unblocked ya heh? LOL! hey! a new profile pic! very nice!!!!!

ugh, my mom is a......... i really really dont get her. she has major issues. and is majorly AGAINST any of her children going to any type of counseling. if that tells ya anything i think thats why i can't hate her, i know there's something majorly wrong. maybe an emotional disorder and chemical imbalance combined? theres something though.

but still its no excuse, because i have emotional disorders from abuse and ptsd and suspected bi polar, but i still am a good mom. so whatever.

hahaha, painting is awesome. its like my saving grace at times i'm sure you know how that goes....lol. what kind of models do you do?

sounds like fun. I build Star Trek, Babylon-5, and air plane models. I like how they look

as for parenting, well, I've seen people use excuses like "He never had a father around, that's why he acts the way he does" umm, my Mom raised 2 children for 12+ years (in fact, add another child in there at the fifth year) by herself, and I'd like to think I'm not too bad. and, well, my cousin's wife was abused (to the point of broken ribs), and I think she's a great mom to her kids. as you said, you don't have to let your past keep you down. my grandfather taught me that. he was abused. he never touched any one of his kids until, at age 33, an aunt called my grandmother a b*tch. he knocked her down and told her "You will never speak to your mother like that, do you understand" and that was it!

as I've learned, our past helps form us, but our past doesn't doom us!

and yes, new profile picture...got a digital camera, so I'm playing around with it now. even took a picture of one of my tattoos!

upon desperation many years ago, i tattooed myself instead of SI. pays to be artistic sometimes. got the pain/relief but with at least something cool to show for it....lol. cool thing with findin a camera! yay! i've actually been to quite a few receptions with kids. all went well, although.....i suppose it all depends on the age and temperment of the kids, and behavioral factors too. why cant a babysitter be arranged for when it gets too late for them? actually, i'd be annoyed if the kids were related and not welcome at all. wait, what do you mean by "entire" reception? LOL! oh well, i'm just rambling on now....

many years ago i did that(SI) too. dont know why i stopped. maybe i just got busy with an actual suicide attempt. eh, that was a long time ago and sucked.

not long ago i shopped around for a camera. canons, sonys, and kodak ones are really good. i got a kodak one, i really really like it. paid $300 but it has a million features on it. and i still dont know how to use all of them....hahahaha.

well, today, I do believe my entire application to Graduate School is complete. I am applying to a Masters in School Counseling program. part of my application is "Please waive the GRE Requirement, since I already have a Masters degree". Alfred University, 2000, only male in my class to recieve a Masters of Science in Education for Counseling. whoo-hoo.....really theoretical program. this one is more practical application based. while I love theory, I also know I need to focus on application.

as for SAVAP, no idea where the name came from. why was I denied three times? the members did not think I would be a good fit. they didn't like me. plain and simple. thought I was odd and talked about myself too much. what is funny is that when I "counsel", I change. I "snap" into "counseling mode". oh well, the program has since gone defunct as well.

I do hope that answers your questions....and I hope I'm interpreting them right!

on a happier note, my supervisor also gave me his Recommendation for me for Grad School. Out of a 5-point scale (five being the highest), he gave me a "3" for leadership, and 4's and 5's for everything else. so that works out nicely!

hmmm, read other journals. might comment. but too shy in many ways as well. the joys of being EXTREMELY introverted as well as sensitive and having a lifetime of rejection and being put down! oh well, such is life, maybe its better that I never have children, so my defects don't get passed on!

hahahahaha! yes you answered them. i think that was kind of rotten of SAVAP.........

so you're gonna be like a counselor in a school? if thats the case........well then maybe you gots some ideas for me.....

but thats a story for another day. i'm too tired right now.

and dont be shy! comment in my journal whenever you feel like it!!!!! got that? i will come yell at you if you dont, too....

take care for now