mood swings....they suck. just saying. last night got hit hard by a mood swing. thinking things over in my life and realizing....fuck, if my family would have looked at things a little more, way back when I was around 15, life would be so much different for me. kind of realized there were signs of something being up...and my Mom didn't notice a damn thing.
see, between the age of 11 to 14 (basically, a 3 year time span) all four of my grandparents died. only my one grandfather was expected (lung cancer). the others....no more than a week from them getting sick until they died (my one grandmother came home from the hospital and died from a massive heart attack....like she knew she wanted to die at home). the following year, a great uncle (who I was starting to get to know, great guy....he was a fire chief at one time) dies suddenly (heart attack....while golfing). I'm at the wake, figuring to pay my respects with my Mom, and I start to freak out. I have to go. My Mom tells me to give my respects to my great aunt...and there's a line. nope, not going to happen. my Mom is now pissed, because she will have to leave to bring me home. she ends up calling my sister to pick me up.
and I think now....wouldn't you have thought something was up when a 15 year old starts freaking out at a wake for no reason? nope, guess not. instead, it was more along the lines of "Don't ruin this for me." guess what the therapist I saw years ago makes sense now....my family had the perfect opportunity when my grandparents died to talk to me about a significant thing, death....and failed miserably. my Mom, bio-dad, step-father, and step-mother all failed. and it still impacts me now (keep in mind my first grandfather died in 1988).
so in other news, took a vacation last week. went to Pittsburgh, PA for a few days. caught up with an old friend I had not seen in 20 or more years. I met his brother and sister-in-law. she asked how long we've known each other...we looked at each other and went "Kindergarten? Or did we meet before?" we think it was before. so that was cool. spent 3 days there and then drove home. glad I have a Jetta....I got back and wasn't sore or worn out from the drive home. did some cleaning and such and enjoyed a few days before I started work again.
so yeah, guess that's about it. odd how words said to me way back in 2006 to 2007 finally start to make sense to me. unfortunately I'm living a life where I would love to talk to someone, maybe work through the issues and get better....but not a person around to talk to. love how life is sometimes!
so how are things for you?
