hefaistos

i went out tonight. the place i heard so many good things about was all a bunch of posers. got in the pit, and it was a bunch of idiots, lookin to prove how much damage they could give and take. i like the pit, when its all about togetherness, about a bunch of people, moving as a oneness. a mass of humanity. not trying to get a rush from drawing blood.

on the up side, i saw a girl. she was sitting more or less alone. her friends were near her, yet she was separate from the group, and still a part of it. i watched her as she danced, and as she talked, and there was chaos and peace at once in her. dozens of guys, and more girls, tried to buy her drinks of move on her, and she brushed them all away.
i was about to leave, and start the drive home. looked into my wallet to get a tip for my waitress, and when i looked back up, she was standing near me. she smiled a small smile, and asked why i had been watching her. immediatly, i figured i had been pegged as a creep, and started to get nervous. i stammered something about being sorry, i didnt mean anything by it. she leaned in close, and whispered into my ear" im a watcher too" and gave me the smallest kiss on my cheek. then she pulled at my beard lightly, and walked back to her seat.

that moment made the whole evening worth the drive, worth the bad bad band.
on the drive home, i started thinking about odd connections. times when there shouldnt be a connection but is, and most often from people that have little, or everything in common that make it seem that it would be impossible for any sort of connection to form, yet it does.

i flashed back to a girl i'll call V. she was the cutest tiniest dancer i have ever seen. i was working the door at the bar she danced at, and did my best to be weird. she was the most tidy person i had ever met, and in all the time i knew her, i never saw a single flaw in her. i would wake up in the mornings, after we got off work, and she would be curled up like a kitten on my back. whe nwe went to buy groceries, she always liked to ride piggyback and throw items into the cart. where we lived there was a fountain in the park. the water in the bottom of it was about 12 inches deep. the last day i saw her, she danced in the fountain. the summer sunshine playing off the drops of water, glistening on her skin and hair. she would scrape the coins off the bottom and throw them up into the air, singing a made up song about wishes being stuck under the water and they should be free and fly.
i always smile when i remember her. everytime. she was a pixie, a fairie, my little punk rock pocket girl. it was the most unlikely connection i ever knew. i didnt deserve her. im forever grateful for her. i think of the trash her friends talked about me, and wish i would have been different, better, more, for her. i feel she loved me just the way i was, though.
i can still see concern in her eyes, when i had to remove someone. i feel her touch when i trace the scars of the cuts and scrapes she tended. i feel her tiny fingers as she would hold my face near hers and tell me " do not get hurt. do your job and stay safe." before every shift started.

i miss her. but feel her everyday. so, i dont really miss her at all. but i do.