All the way through my life I’ve been disappointing people because they’ve expected me to compete at the same level as neurotypical.
I’m not neurotypical.
I’m on the autistic spectrum, all my life I’ve felt stupid and inadequate, wondering why I can’t do the things everybody around me can do effortlessly.
Since there’s nothing visibly wrong with me, people assume I’m not making any effort but really I’m making so much effort just to find I’m not making any difference from someone who isn’t trying at all.
I have such low self esteem and I shy away from any sort of challenge. I feel like there’s no point in trying because if I try I’ll be labelled as slow, stupid, or the worst of all - loser.
I’m perfectly capable in many areas it’s just a case of finding the right approach. I’m not stupid, there are many things I’m good at, it’s just the way academia etc works, it seems to exclude people whose minds work differently.
I guess my message from this is I wish the world was more geared towards learning. Let people learn on their own terms and in their own style/way. Don’t judge and don’t expect a fish to ride a bicycle, support them and don’t belittle them.
After all, isn’t that a more progressive way to run society - everybody has their strengths and weaknesses, if you focus only on somebody’s weaknesses, how are you ever going to let them progress? Isn’t that approach bad for all?
I say nurture people’s weaknesses while making the best out of their strengths. Allow them to grow instead of making them think they’re useless (thus they’ll behave accordingly).
This is my message to the education system - one size does not fit all.
And don’t get me wrong; I’m not blaming them for all my failures, I’ll own up to any mistake I’ve made if prompted (I don’t always know). I just think it would be a shame to not learn from it all. Let’s all move forward and not sideways.