I’ve thought many bad things about myself in my examination of what it is to be free. I have thought, ‘am I a megalomaniac because I want ultimate freedom?’
Am I supposed to accept complete domination?
The rules are predisposed to the ‘player’ submitting to the rulemakers, you are free to do what you’re told and that’s the limit of your free will — a bustling world full of opportunity becomes a controlled segregation where everything is by design, every choice you make leads to the same outcome because there is only one path you are free to follow.
All this leads me to the same conclusion when I reach a zenith, or moment of epiphany. When the domination is at its most naked.
‘I am not capable of submission.’ I can’t find peace with this result. The metaphysical need for randomness, even at the risk of exposure to chaos becomes a pipe dream.
With all of your humanity stripped away there must be an underlining principle to direct your behaviour, otherwise rebellion becomes criminality. Something they can’t take away from you. You have to search yourself at the very core to find out what this is.
What is ultimate freedom?
Is it power? Is it wealth? Is it where your freedoms outweigh your unfreedoms, or does it eliminate your unfreedoms entirely? Is it even something that being alive can provide?
Until I am directed by my own morals and following my own meandering path, I will never be satisfied. I can live with some guidance/direction, but the impetus must come from inside of me.
