heartbaker

It's the time I'd normally being going to bed
Instead I bawl my eyes out
I hate to have such whiny blogs
But I'm alone with no one else to go to

I'm a constant emotional wreck
I grew up in a very dysfunctional family
Even when my parents split up
The people they got with had drama

My aunt who committed suicide had 2 kids
Well she had a bunch more but those were taken away from the state
When she died my mom took on both kids
The girl has stolen from us, ran away...
The boy argues with everyone, always has attitude
My brothers grew up with the HOT temper of my stepdad
Of course they have it now too..

One of my brothers and my cousin got in a fight
Whole family got involved
Of course I'm used to
Gonzilla hates to be around it
But we have no where else to go
He deals with to be with me

Right now I hate myself...
For being the one who wanted us to live here
For being such a wreck I can't work
For not being able to bring enough money in so we could move
We have no were else to go
So we stay here... Miserable

I know people have it worse off them me...
I just wish I could make enough to pay rent somewhere each month
I try so hard doing photography
But no one wants to hire me
I've tried so hard selling prints...

Gawd I can't stop crying
I tell myself to be strong
I've survived
An abusive relationship
Being raped
Being molested
Being choked by my stepdad

I have my dogs... my husband.. my brothers...
Just once couldn't I get away...
Me and Gonzilla in our own place to be happy
I already suffer from depression and the stress here seems to make it worse

Sorry.... I don't mean to be a cry baby