hawksley

so, im poor...

this, in turn, means that i have to leave the site for awhile, until things turn around. thanks for the good times and i love you all.

im drunk and bored... bad combination... shitty combination...

i should just have strength enough to walk away, but for some reason, i want more. for once in my life, i would like to just not have to want boys....or sex... or anything. i dont want anything... yeah, that's a lie, but it'd be sweet.

i love drinking... but hate the song that just came on......
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i just spent way too long cleaning the floor in the kitchen. i used soft scrub... which changed the floor to a different, brighter color... it's weird, hopefully it's okay

i smell like bleach though, which doesnt make me happy. i also tried to clean the bathroom... but almost puked... so that's that.

im smoking a cigarette...and pretty sure that im smoking bleach instead... gross....
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great news! i was finally brave and asked the hot guy at the gas station his name and if he wanted to hang out... he was all about it! yeah, he's cute... and dreamy... and his name is mike.

arg... im going nuts. i need to get out of here for awhile, i think. smoke a cigarette or two... yeah i think that would be pretty bad ass. if it were warmer, i would get into a canoe or paddle boat... sit in the middle of a lake.. drink and smoke... chill out. it'd be bad ass.

but it's cold out... so i'll just...
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blat. im soo rediculously bored... and feel like getting drunk, who's with me? who cares if it's a sunday night, i certainly dont... arg... maybe i should dance... or watch some movies... something. blowing smoke rings is always fun...

someone should want to hang out... right? who's in?

i figured out why he was here last night... hehe...

alright evanx explained to me today at coffee... that boys are weird, especially after break-ups... but to call me three times today AND be at my house right now, is weird. I'm not really in the mood to see him, you know? oh well.

Thanks for the love though

I'm single now

push the lil daisies and make em come up...

you're the magic that holds the sky up from the ground...

isn't funny how you can be overly happy for the longest time... and it feels like it wont go away... but in the span of an hour or five.... it all goes away... and you find yourself more alone than you thought possible.

i fucking hate that.