If you're following along so far- and it isn't clear that anyone is- you might be thinking, 'Good story I guess, but how is that relevant to suicide girls?' Well I'm not done yet, that's how.
The story is in the context of my growing up in an abusive family. Drunks, violence, yelling, threats, a long list of destructive events whose details are probably not important. I will say it was persistent- my last beating was at the age of 29- though there had been a drought of them for some years- and at that point I decided I would pull up anchor altogether. I split!
Supposedly I have tons of potential. I didn't exactly have the best foundation from which to develop it. And after that having no ties at all wasn't exactly helpful either. But apparently I've overcome it all. (If you're afraid this is turning into a sermon or that I'm the savior of sg's or a role model or something, forget that it isn't the point.) Most of this is something I don't usually talk about.
I've kept journals before. Usually the overriding sentiment was, 'I have to get the hell out of here.' Now, even if I'm bitching about something like my job, the 'solution' to the situation is in me, not in changing the outside world. The crappy relationships, the lousy towns, the endless bullshit- I showed it to the door. Being constantly attacked for all that time has left me somewhat fucked up, but apparently it didn't ruin me. Nope. Next summer if nothing disastrous happens I'll get a little place all of my own, here in the mountains where I want to be, doing what I like unburdened by random stupid enemies. I probably don't quite know what 'normal' is, but I guess I don't care anymore. That's part of the appeal of sg to me. I think can see a similar story in some of the tatoos. Or sometimes I'm clued in by the handwritten signs the models are holding
I used to feel like my problems disqualified me from a whole range of things... I dunno. I guess I'm projecting some kind of revised meaning of my history onto the models? Hmmm... that doesn't cut it, I'll have to come back with a better explanation of what I'm doing. Yah obviously I'm checking them out too, that should be a given, sheesh.
Oops, I just realized what a geezer move it is to talk about getting a condo. Sorry
lol
always more to come...
The story is in the context of my growing up in an abusive family. Drunks, violence, yelling, threats, a long list of destructive events whose details are probably not important. I will say it was persistent- my last beating was at the age of 29- though there had been a drought of them for some years- and at that point I decided I would pull up anchor altogether. I split!
Supposedly I have tons of potential. I didn't exactly have the best foundation from which to develop it. And after that having no ties at all wasn't exactly helpful either. But apparently I've overcome it all. (If you're afraid this is turning into a sermon or that I'm the savior of sg's or a role model or something, forget that it isn't the point.) Most of this is something I don't usually talk about.
I've kept journals before. Usually the overriding sentiment was, 'I have to get the hell out of here.' Now, even if I'm bitching about something like my job, the 'solution' to the situation is in me, not in changing the outside world. The crappy relationships, the lousy towns, the endless bullshit- I showed it to the door. Being constantly attacked for all that time has left me somewhat fucked up, but apparently it didn't ruin me. Nope. Next summer if nothing disastrous happens I'll get a little place all of my own, here in the mountains where I want to be, doing what I like unburdened by random stupid enemies. I probably don't quite know what 'normal' is, but I guess I don't care anymore. That's part of the appeal of sg to me. I think can see a similar story in some of the tatoos. Or sometimes I'm clued in by the handwritten signs the models are holding
I used to feel like my problems disqualified me from a whole range of things... I dunno. I guess I'm projecting some kind of revised meaning of my history onto the models? Hmmm... that doesn't cut it, I'll have to come back with a better explanation of what I'm doing. Yah obviously I'm checking them out too, that should be a given, sheesh.
Oops, I just realized what a geezer move it is to talk about getting a condo. Sorry
lol
always more to come...