How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the ladder, and one to screw your mother. No! Father! OMG. LIGHT BULB
I'm so embarassed...
Him: My utilization of complex locution is more a reflection of my own superincumbent mental acuity than an aspersion on your circumscribed lexicon.
Me: k, bro
To all girls out here wearing Jean shorts and a bikini top: I appreciate it!
And I would appreciate it more if while typing I didn't realize most of you are actually over-developed 15 y/o's. My life rarely occurs in appropriate bounds.
YOUTHS!!
"I like being single. I have Tinder. I love Tinder. It's an application for the phone which gives you pictures of the opposite sex in the nearby area. If you don't like each other swipe left and if you do like each other swipe right. If you both like eachother open up a conversation then maybe you can meet up and get down to it....
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1. Lists
2. The number two
3. Endings
Harry Potter, summarized
Everyone: Harry, no
Harry: HARRY, YES
That moment when you start a song over because you forgot TO LISTEN TO THE SONG
Stick with the classics, don't use synonyms.
YES: Girl, that booty just don't quit!
NO: Bitch your ass won't stop.
Good part about driving hard-of-hearing granddad to his doctor's appointment, he can barely hear the radio hardly at all
Me: Can you hear that?
Him: Huh? Nope!
Me: Alright then, Cannibal Corpse it is
Him: Wha?
Me: Nothing...
JUST KIDDING, I didn't play Cannibal Corpse. I was in a Suicide Silence kinda mood.
I have survived rehab, and I am now a sober person! As of today, I am 45 days sober, and I feel better than ever. All of my mental faculties have returned, my writerās block has subsided. I am confident, I am well-versed, I am healthy, and I am BORED OUT OF MY GODDAM MIND. Doug Stanhope said it best recently, āIf you canāt drink...
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