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Okay Google, what is the German word for an autobahn exit?

"Ausfahrt"

Hehe

"(Sigh)"

There are so many things we can do to help our planet, you guys. We can...

*throw random food scraps into the yard like a lunatic*

...learn new best day to day practices. Whether it be composting ...

*watch Lucy eat from the cat box*

...biodegradable waste, reusing items multiple times before disposing of them, watching how...

*pee into the shower, fully clothed, from outside of...
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Years ago, overhearing a 5 yo girl in the office for some reason.

Adult: Are you excited by all this snow we're getting!
Her: No! Snow is stupid!

Me: You know what, you're alright little lady.

Shout out to everyone cept for the coward sending out bombs or those thinking trans people are fake

Going through my 20s like...

Her: I'm actively flirting with you. Seriously. This is not a drill.

Me: Haha you're funny

Her: DAMMIT!

Me two months later: DAMMIT!!!

"A stranger is just a friend that you haven't met yet!" ~ someone that wasn't a pretty white girl on FB with a pending friend request list

Me: When you genuinely love and respect men and women as equals, you don't have to act over the top in letting people know that you do. You can just live life the right way and people will know :)

*Youtube auto-plays next video, Chris Brown singin "These Hoes Aint Loyal"*

Me: ....wait, no go back

Drink lots of water, lovelies! If you don't, I'll hunt down your step-nephew and teach him common core math without his permission. I mean it. *finger guns and a wink*

If Lebron James' entourage isn't called a Lebron-tourage then he doesn't deserve fans

My doctor said I should drink more whiskey

"He really said that?"

Well his exact words were 'drink less vodka' but I know what he meant