hardcoredoug

I'm the guy that'll drop $12 on crawfish etoufee at lunch, then while shopping later that night ask myself "The creamy chicken ramen is better than the regular chicken ramen, but is it 8 CENTS/PACKAGE better? Let me think about this"

Clickbait: "5 Ways to Succeed on Tinder"

Me: okay let's see here *click*

CB: "Step 1: Be hot"

Me: Well f$% you too, buddy

Me: GREAT! Dad's drunk in the kitchen.
Dad: (yelling) I ain't neither! I'm in the laundry room

Tonight I built a bookshelf, hit on a grandma, got defriended by a Senatorial candidate, and weaponized Autism. How was your Thursday night?

Chinese immigrant fellow MBA student: Doug we going to do stimulation tomorrow night.

Me: ....I'm sorry?

Him: Tomorrow night we meet and do stimulation as group

Me: What are.... oh, I think you mean "our group is doing a simulation"

Him: Oh. Yes! Simulation!

I love working with this guy

What's your song of the year in 2016?

Preferably a song released this year, but if something else meant something special I won't hold it back :)

"Non-Christians write 'Xmas' as a way to keep Christ out of Christmas! It's an affront to Christianity!"

Meh. Not really. I mean some of us probably do, but I'll bet 99% of us are just lazy writers. For one, lots of us know that X, as in Chi, was an early symbol representing Christ so that idea would backfire on us anyway.

Moreso, if we...
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Earlier today, Body picked a helluva day to have a cold. Now I'm just suspicious.

Me: Boss, can I go home early? I don't feel so hot

Boss: Didn't Final Fantasy XV come out today?

Me: Hey, I'm asking the questions around here

I think Starbucks should just straight up put Lucifer on the holiday cup.

"Oh, yall wanna say we hate Xmas another year? We'll give you something to complain about. Here, have a hot cup of Satan. #staywokefam #dicksout#getwrecked"

Good: "She's got a booty that don't quit"

Bad: "Her ass won't stop"