"I like being single. I have Tinder. I love Tinder. It's an application for the phone which gives you pictures of the opposite sex in the nearby area. If you don't like each other swipe left and if you do like each other swipe right. If you both like eachother open up a conversation then maybe you can meet up and get down to it.
And the reason I like Tinder is because before Tinder I had to guess how many women didn't want to sleep with me. But now, thanks to Tinder, it will send a list directly to my pocket. You can even change the distance so I can now find out how many women in a particular room want nothing to do with me.
Now, whenever I go on the internet, on the porn websites, they are like 'local sluts int your area want to do you.' And I'm like 'no they don't, I have checked thoroughly.'"