Sorry that this looks like shit, but I just copied and pasted from an app. Since it from my iPad, editing it is pretty nonexistent.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItX2cntpWtE&w=640&h=385]
Did you ever just want to kill yourself? Like cut your head off? Or maybe jump off a cliff? I feel like that all the time. I always manage to say something wrong to someone, and then I'm left all alone. It really sucks! I hate myself for it, and I guess it happens because I'm tired of being unappreciated, made to believe things are going to happen that aren't, or not being told the entire truth.
Can you possibly imagine what it's like to have the love of your life tell you that she doesn't want to have kids with you? Let alone tell you the reason is "I don't want to kill them or watch them die or have them feel any bit of pain ever, and that's impossible, so no thank you". But then to have her say after that "and I really don't want to trust you with them". How am I supposed to live with that? I've been doing nothing but crying all weekend over this, and other shit just like it. I feel like throwing up just honking about how much I am not truly loved. And it makes me want to just go away and never come back, or just fucking die.
<div class="separator" style="clear:both;text-align:center;"><a href="http://flickr.com/photos/62127104@N02/6027204025" target="_blank" style="margin-bottom:1em;margin-right:1em;"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6194/6027204025_9d4edc1b14.jpg" id="blogsy-1317004105915.5447" class="aligncenter" alt="" width="500" height="445"></a></div>
I can't hardly take any more of this, and no one even knows just how broken I really am on the inside. I can't just go numb like other people. I get to take every lash of the whip, over and over and over again. Just let it rip the skin right off of me, throughout the fat and muscle. Right down to the bone. Everything hurts so deeply and no one even cares. Everyone just wants to get deep inside and break the bones, and I can't even figure out why I can't go numb and move through it. Getting that whip to the face hurts so bad.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcF1oByia9M&w=640&h=385]
And it really sucks that I cannot show just how broken I am inside, I can show just how angry I am, I can't show how totally sick I am of all of it. Because what fragile slivers of peace I have with be broken immediately, and then what few people I have in my life will leave me. I can't always think positive, I can't always deal with the drugs and shit, I can't always deal with the overbearing nonsense! I need someone, someone good, who genuinely want to be there for me, and I feel that's an impossibility.
<div class="separator" style="clear:both;text-align:center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-q7Y3uBOnMxo/Tn_ZNgp1H4I/AAAAAAAAAIM/K9w8eselbgQ/Photo%252520Sep%25252025%25252C%2525202011%2525207%25253A46%252520PM.jpg" target="_blank" style="margin-bottom:1em;margin-right:1em;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-q7Y3uBOnMxo/Tn_ZNgp1H4I/AAAAAAAAAIM/K9w8eselbgQ/s500/Photo%252520Sep%25252025%25252C%2525202011%2525207%25253A46%252520PM.jpg" id="blogsy-1317004105923.5964" class="aligncenter" alt="" width="499" height="259"></a></div>
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItX2cntpWtE&w=640&h=385]
Did you ever just want to kill yourself? Like cut your head off? Or maybe jump off a cliff? I feel like that all the time. I always manage to say something wrong to someone, and then I'm left all alone. It really sucks! I hate myself for it, and I guess it happens because I'm tired of being unappreciated, made to believe things are going to happen that aren't, or not being told the entire truth.
Can you possibly imagine what it's like to have the love of your life tell you that she doesn't want to have kids with you? Let alone tell you the reason is "I don't want to kill them or watch them die or have them feel any bit of pain ever, and that's impossible, so no thank you". But then to have her say after that "and I really don't want to trust you with them". How am I supposed to live with that? I've been doing nothing but crying all weekend over this, and other shit just like it. I feel like throwing up just honking about how much I am not truly loved. And it makes me want to just go away and never come back, or just fucking die.
<div class="separator" style="clear:both;text-align:center;"><a href="http://flickr.com/photos/62127104@N02/6027204025" target="_blank" style="margin-bottom:1em;margin-right:1em;"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6194/6027204025_9d4edc1b14.jpg" id="blogsy-1317004105915.5447" class="aligncenter" alt="" width="500" height="445"></a></div>
I can't hardly take any more of this, and no one even knows just how broken I really am on the inside. I can't just go numb like other people. I get to take every lash of the whip, over and over and over again. Just let it rip the skin right off of me, throughout the fat and muscle. Right down to the bone. Everything hurts so deeply and no one even cares. Everyone just wants to get deep inside and break the bones, and I can't even figure out why I can't go numb and move through it. Getting that whip to the face hurts so bad.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcF1oByia9M&w=640&h=385]
And it really sucks that I cannot show just how broken I am inside, I can show just how angry I am, I can't show how totally sick I am of all of it. Because what fragile slivers of peace I have with be broken immediately, and then what few people I have in my life will leave me. I can't always think positive, I can't always deal with the drugs and shit, I can't always deal with the overbearing nonsense! I need someone, someone good, who genuinely want to be there for me, and I feel that's an impossibility.
<div class="separator" style="clear:both;text-align:center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-q7Y3uBOnMxo/Tn_ZNgp1H4I/AAAAAAAAAIM/K9w8eselbgQ/Photo%252520Sep%25252025%25252C%2525202011%2525207%25253A46%252520PM.jpg" target="_blank" style="margin-bottom:1em;margin-right:1em;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-q7Y3uBOnMxo/Tn_ZNgp1H4I/AAAAAAAAAIM/K9w8eselbgQ/s500/Photo%252520Sep%25252025%25252C%2525202011%2525207%25253A46%252520PM.jpg" id="blogsy-1317004105923.5964" class="aligncenter" alt="" width="499" height="259"></a></div>
fire:
awww i hope things get better...