Sunday Feb 10, 2008

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Last night i had a little freak out....or maybe even a large freak out.
It was mainly due to the fact that i feel like a hypocrite....I am not very good at practicing what i preach.

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Tues and I broke up months ago...it was mutual and amicable and at the time it was the most adult breakup i have ever had. Since then it has become harder and harder for me to see that she has moved on and found another to love. Dont get me wrong...i want and feel that Tues deserves to be happy but it is still hard to see her love someone like she has loved me.
It brings out lots of insecurities in me that i cant control. You see being bi polar makes the thought of all these big changes coming up just completely overwhelming. I start to feel as if i will never find a special person to spend my life with....everytime i do i seem to find a way to fuck it up. I am admittedly an extremely hard person to love. Sometimes i think it will be the death of me because love is what i crave most in life.


I did do some drinking last ngiht and even though i was far from wasted...it certainly played a part in me becoming overly emotional about the whole thing and everything that is forth coming for me.
To say im scared to death about the prospect of moving back and starting over would be an understatement.
Sometimes i just wish i could stop my mind...but i cant its always running. I wish i was as confident as i pretend to be ...but im not....i feel like a scared lil child lost in the City. Will i be ok in the end?....most likely...Will this move be good for me?...definitely...does it stop me from being scared about it?...not a chance in hell.
Damn it doesnt always feel good to be a greggster.

pray for me.

VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
horror_head:
I'm certain everything will turn out alright for you Gregg; I've got you on my mental list of people to hope for. smile Just try not to let the stress of the relocating meld with your emotions from the breakup. A lot of it probably has to do with the move - least that's what I've found, having gone through similar situations.
graye:
I am sorry greggypoo!! I dont think you should be insecure. I think you are a great guy and will find one to love as well. I know it is hard, cuz I am still getting over my ex and its been over a year. But I do have a quote for you:

""When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Helen Keller"

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