drama..sorry..I'm way to nervous to even post this.
I don't have much to say other than when I get below 200 lbs, I'll give you all the full story. But I promised myself after the last blog that once I got below 230, I'd post again. So here I am a month later one ounce below 230 after I fucked up a muscle in my knee and gained weight and stopped exercising completely....
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geekpat:
hey! how are you?
it's been a while, but not that much has been going on for me. i got a motorbike, getting better at riding it (i now commute to work on it. yay). ummm... actually, i think that's about it. ugh, that's kinda boring.
how is your knee now? and how are things going? hey, and i know what it's like to have an obsession over someone. i'm still trying to deal with the worst mistake i've ever made when my ex and i broke up over 3 years ago. i still miss her and without exception think about her every single day. i've gotten therapy for that too. therapy is good, but you probably already know that it's you who will have to do the hard work, getting out of mental ruts, changing the way you think, letting go of thoughts and such that you might not want to let go of. sucks sometimes though.
and yeh, changing your mental self-image. sometimes it's like how the fuck am i supposed to do that?! you know, you've been looking at yourself in the mirror for so long, and you're supposed to change your opinion?! but everybody probably is their own harshest critic, and other people probably don't see you as badly as you see you (at least, that's what i think/tell myself).
i don't know. just remind yourself that it's really easy to be hard on yourself, but it doesn't mean it's correct.
it's been a while, but not that much has been going on for me. i got a motorbike, getting better at riding it (i now commute to work on it. yay). ummm... actually, i think that's about it. ugh, that's kinda boring.
how is your knee now? and how are things going? hey, and i know what it's like to have an obsession over someone. i'm still trying to deal with the worst mistake i've ever made when my ex and i broke up over 3 years ago. i still miss her and without exception think about her every single day. i've gotten therapy for that too. therapy is good, but you probably already know that it's you who will have to do the hard work, getting out of mental ruts, changing the way you think, letting go of thoughts and such that you might not want to let go of. sucks sometimes though.
and yeh, changing your mental self-image. sometimes it's like how the fuck am i supposed to do that?! you know, you've been looking at yourself in the mirror for so long, and you're supposed to change your opinion?! but everybody probably is their own harshest critic, and other people probably don't see you as badly as you see you (at least, that's what i think/tell myself).
i don't know. just remind yourself that it's really easy to be hard on yourself, but it doesn't mean it's correct.
brightredscream:
I will this weekend most likely 
Going to the gym seems to be the only thing that's been keeping me from cracking and I had actually stopped going a couple weeks before my birthday. This is truly a sickness and I am so sorry for doing this to her but its the only way I could find to help better myself. Finally I am going this Saturday to a therapist to...
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brightredscream:
Thank you for your incredible comment ♥
I really appreciate it
I really appreciate it
lethaldose:
Sounds like a painful ordeal you are going through right now. It has got to hurt like hell. I'm sorry my friend. I wish I had some advice or words of comfort but in reality I need advice myself. Sometimes it is just so hard to let go of someone. I have found that years go by but the feelings stay. I do what I can to try to forget but to no avail. Maybe it is because she always manages to keep herself in my life no matter what I do. I'm doomed. Damn, here you are hurting and I go and dump this on you. Sorry about that. Just do what you have to do to make it through, that is all I can say. That is all I can do myself.
Because of my poor health I have really let myself go. But I have too lately been trying to work out to regain some of the strength and stamina I once had. It's hard work, I know. Keep it up my friend.
I wish you the best in everything. I hope these times pass soon for you. I will probably be gone for the next month or two before I return if I return, but mostly I just wanted to say "hi." Take care of yourself, ya hear?
Because of my poor health I have really let myself go. But I have too lately been trying to work out to regain some of the strength and stamina I once had. It's hard work, I know. Keep it up my friend.
I wish you the best in everything. I hope these times pass soon for you. I will probably be gone for the next month or two before I return if I return, but mostly I just wanted to say "hi." Take care of yourself, ya hear?
Not really the time for an update but I just wanted to say I'm alive and in an obsession with a 23 year old lesbian who has given me what I've needed for so many years, yet has made me so bitter cause she thinks I'm in love with her 'like that'. 1-2 months, and I'll show yas what I'm talking about...halfway there!
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brightredscream:
Hmmm this is confusing....
lethaldose:
Happy birthday my missing friend!
Ok all, this is for our good friend connielingus
not funny. pretty much boring. but, if you want a bit of an idea on doing something out of the norm...well, you might want to look at the last minute.[VIDEO][/VIDEO]
not funny. pretty much boring. but, if you want a bit of an idea on doing something out of the norm...well, you might want to look at the last minute.[VIDEO][/VIDEO]
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lethaldose:
You haven't been around for awhile. Hope everything is well. Get back soon...so you can help me with my video blog
anaphalaxis:
Where the hell are you, you Hellenic shite!
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
ok, I"m really sucking at my finances and well, lets just say if I can fill my tank up tonight..I"ll be in a better mood..wish me luck..but in the meantime..another video blog...and unfortunately, my little greek dish escapade ended in disaster..I mean, it tasted great, but didn't look the way it was supposed to..ah well, theres always two weekends from now..lol.
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anaphalaxis:
Oh, and don't let me put you off on the visa thing. The laws are different all over Europe so worth researching, particularly if you were thinking of staying just for a year or something.
manda:
Thank you! Sawa was fabulous to work with. I owe some of this sets awesome to her!
Ok Folks, here it is.... my third video blog. Bigger...better....and gheyer!!! Now if I can take a very serious moment here, I hope if anything, it inspres YOU to do a video blog soon cause I would love to see some of you in action! Hope you likey and no, I'm really not gay....really..I'm not...I AM NOT GAY! 
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lethaldose:
Great video blog. I really must do it soon.
Just writing to say all is OK and I shall be back as soon as possible. So much to say and so little strength. I shall fill in the details later. Hope you are doing well. Take care.
Just writing to say all is OK and I shall be back as soon as possible. So much to say and so little strength. I shall fill in the details later. Hope you are doing well. Take care.
kekelyn:
yea i love it; i'm not sure what the flower's called though
I cannot wait until I get to do my next video blog this weekend! I have a couple of ideas in mind which will probably bore all but one of you, but its a surprise. So after losing nearly $500 last week, I'm surprisingly in a better than depressed mood, although right now I've been in randomness chat for over 20 minutes waiting for someone...
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tiger_fodder:
I agree to a certain degree. But then as a Buddhist, I do not believe in "God".
brightredscream:
Awww thank you so much for all the smooches darlin 
I've stumbled really bad this time. Its just weird cause you know you're not supposed to do something, buy you do it anyway. I'm actually thinking of pawning off one of my grandfathers rings to get some cash. If I could get five or six hundred dollars, I think I might do it, but they say that when you sell diamonds to pawn shops, you...
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geekpat:
Yup, peas cooked in wasabi (at least, that's how I think they're made). I added a pic to my pics section. If you see them anywhere, you should buy. I can only eat 4 before getting a wasabi rush and going WAAAAA!!1~ I'm a wasabi wuss.
And no car (but I pinch my housemate's sometimes).
And no car (but I pinch my housemate's sometimes).
theinsatiableft:
((((HUGS))))) Yeah, a pawn shop gave me $15 for my old wedding band and engagement ring. 
Video Blog. It's gheyer than the first! Don't watch it if you are offended by boring voices! Also, I'm a bit off on the editing but I'm a work in progress....
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riz:
Thank you!! It's fun to do, I want to do more before the month is over.
It's fun to do, I want to do more before the month is over.
kekelyn:
I may just take you up on that offer! I could use a head break.. haha