CJ and I decorated the tree last night.
He was SO excited. So much so, that he did his homework in school, so that nothing would distract him from the tree. Thats like saying a Muslim ate a BBQ pork sandwich and drank a pint of ale....thats how rare it is for him to do his homework without being held down at gunpoint.
I hang the lights and any ornaments that he wants in areas he cant reach, and he is boss of all the rest. Our yearly tree has a toy theme, and we add new ornaments every year. Each bauble and trinket is a toy...toy soldiers, nutcrackers, toy planes, etc.
After he went to bed, I realized how much joy I felt at watching him hang the ornaments, at seeing his excitement at the impending arrival of Xmas.
I also remembered my lonliest Xmas, years ago, when his mother and I first split, and he was having Xmas dinner with her and her new man, and I sat alone in my empty house, drinking JD and staring at the tree. That night I felt true dispair, as I watched the lights blink in the darkened room, and missed my son, missed what I thought my life was, and lamented the end of my shitty marriage.
Now, years later, I sit and stare at my tree, in the dark, listen to the sounds of the house, and I'm thankful for that little boy sleeping in the other room. All his funny statements and silliness. I'm thankful for the girlfriend that will be spending Xmas night with me, while both of our kids sup with our Ex's.
I've grown so much in these years. As much mentally as CJ has physically.
Some nights, like tonight, I really like me.
I really do.
He was SO excited. So much so, that he did his homework in school, so that nothing would distract him from the tree. Thats like saying a Muslim ate a BBQ pork sandwich and drank a pint of ale....thats how rare it is for him to do his homework without being held down at gunpoint.
I hang the lights and any ornaments that he wants in areas he cant reach, and he is boss of all the rest. Our yearly tree has a toy theme, and we add new ornaments every year. Each bauble and trinket is a toy...toy soldiers, nutcrackers, toy planes, etc.
After he went to bed, I realized how much joy I felt at watching him hang the ornaments, at seeing his excitement at the impending arrival of Xmas.
I also remembered my lonliest Xmas, years ago, when his mother and I first split, and he was having Xmas dinner with her and her new man, and I sat alone in my empty house, drinking JD and staring at the tree. That night I felt true dispair, as I watched the lights blink in the darkened room, and missed my son, missed what I thought my life was, and lamented the end of my shitty marriage.
Now, years later, I sit and stare at my tree, in the dark, listen to the sounds of the house, and I'm thankful for that little boy sleeping in the other room. All his funny statements and silliness. I'm thankful for the girlfriend that will be spending Xmas night with me, while both of our kids sup with our Ex's.
I've grown so much in these years. As much mentally as CJ has physically.
Some nights, like tonight, I really like me.
I really do.