I got very trashed last night. I'm not even sure what I drank... we went to one party where I just had a fuzzy navel wine cooler (which my friend Vanessa added some rasberry vodka to) and some chugs of a bottle of white zinfendel. When I left that party, I was definitely tipsy. Then we went to another party where they had lots of real alcohol out for free. I mixed myself a drink (bad idea. haha) of vodka, 7up, cranberry juice and a bit of grenadine. I'm pretty sure I poured in too much vodka. Then another girl at the party gave me her... umm... I forget what it was... ammeretto maybe? Something... she said it was "straight from the bottle" so it must have been strong. I drank that very fast too... and by that time, I was pretty gone. I guess I'm a lightweight. Or maybe I drank more ... oh at the first party I also had about a shot of my roommates vodka (?)... i think. Uhh-- in any case, I was probably more trashed then I've ever been. Keep in mind, I've only been drunk 2 times before in my life.
So at the second party I get to the point where I can't really control what I'm doing or saying. But i'm in a
mood so it all goes downhill from there. I feel terrible about embarressing Chris (my bf) and I keep telling him to go off and have fun. He doesn't. At one point I go into the bathroom cuz i think I"m gonna 
, but I don't... then I'm in the corner like on the floor... I hope that no one is looking at me but i'm sure that they can't just ignore the fact that I'm in the corner looking like I'm about to burst into tears. It's about then Chris decided to drive me home. My head hurt so bad.
When we got back here, I finally puked. You would think I'd be better after that, but I know for a fact I didn't get it all out of my system. Well... Chris knew that I get- uhh-- horny when i'm drunk so he started to uhh-- do things-- to me in the bathroom. And then I was saying "condom... we need a ..." ... he said they were in my room (?) so we moved into there... and we were doing stuff in there.. but then the condom magically dissappeared (weird shit) -- we couldn't find it ANYWHERE. This is the part of the night where I've gained respect for him... even though I'm kinda confused about the whole thing. Cuz he said that he came with two condoms but he used one when we were in the bathroom. However, I distinctly remember him telling me that the condoms were in my room when we were in the bathroom-- i don't think he was using one there. I dunno. I was drunk. I don't even remember. Anyway, the reason I gained respect for him is because he refused to continue once we lost the condom and didn't have another, even though in my drunken lack of control I would have easily agreed to have unprotected sex. ... but then...
I went into the bathroom again because I was feeling sick. I wanted to get into the bathtub and just lye down for a while, but he didn't want me too. He was like "don't get in the tub. Don't get in the tub." -- I did anyway so he got pissed. A few seconds or minutes later he said something like "fine... i don't want to sit here and watch you in the tub, I'm leaving." and he left. I would have normally burst into tears and chased after him at that point, but my head was spinning so fast and I knew that I just needed to stay in the water. My roommates seemed concerned about me.. they thought I was going to drown or something. But I think by that point I knew what was going on enough to realize if my mouth was getting filled with water. Actually, I think the entire time I would have been able to figure that much out. --Another one of my roommates wanted me to stop running the water because she wanted to go to sleep. So I asked for five more minutes and eventually she came in and turned the water off. or I turned the water off. I don't remember.
A bit after that I puked again.
Then I jumped into my bed-- my head had finally began to stop spinning so rapidly and I was able to drift off into sleep.
This morning I wake up and I can't find my glasses anywhere. I have a nasty hangover, so I wait till 4 in the afternoon to even bother getting up to look for them. I still can't find my glasses, but my roommate helped me locate my contacts so I can finally see. *yeay*.
My roommate also informed me that Chris left really pissed off at me last night. Apparently I was saying stuff along the lines of "i love you too much I need to break up with you."-- which happens to be what I was thinking what I woke up this morning, but I have no recollection of ever telling HIM that. I know that I was saying stuff about how I loved him last night... but the breaking up thing (did I say that??? or is he just exhaggerating?)
I don't even believe in love yet there is no question in my mind whether or not I love him. I mean-- I do. I love him in a way he'll never understand, and I think it might just be best to part ways now. I'll never be right for him. I'm too-- emotionally unstable, odd, shy or hyper depending on the time of day. I mean, I have a lot of issues to work out for myself right now and he's not helping. I'm not helping him either.
Well- if he ever decides to talk to me again, maybe I will go ahead and end this. I don't really want to. I don't know what i want. I wonder what he's thinking. My roommates also informed me that when he left yesterday he said "tell her to call me one day" (and he wasn't saying it nicely.)
My head still hurts. I need to get ready to go to tech rehersal numero 3. Why do I have to be so fucked up in the head? I don't ever want to get drunk again. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
bLegh.
So at the second party I get to the point where I can't really control what I'm doing or saying. But i'm in a
mood so it all goes downhill from there. I feel terrible about embarressing Chris (my bf) and I keep telling him to go off and have fun. He doesn't. At one point I go into the bathroom cuz i think I"m gonna , but I don't... then I'm in the corner like on the floor... I hope that no one is looking at me but i'm sure that they can't just ignore the fact that I'm in the corner looking like I'm about to burst into tears. It's about then Chris decided to drive me home. My head hurt so bad.
When we got back here, I finally puked. You would think I'd be better after that, but I know for a fact I didn't get it all out of my system. Well... Chris knew that I get- uhh-- horny when i'm drunk so he started to uhh-- do things-- to me in the bathroom. And then I was saying "condom... we need a ..." ... he said they were in my room (?) so we moved into there... and we were doing stuff in there.. but then the condom magically dissappeared (weird shit) -- we couldn't find it ANYWHERE. This is the part of the night where I've gained respect for him... even though I'm kinda confused about the whole thing. Cuz he said that he came with two condoms but he used one when we were in the bathroom. However, I distinctly remember him telling me that the condoms were in my room when we were in the bathroom-- i don't think he was using one there. I dunno. I was drunk. I don't even remember. Anyway, the reason I gained respect for him is because he refused to continue once we lost the condom and didn't have another, even though in my drunken lack of control I would have easily agreed to have unprotected sex. ... but then...
I went into the bathroom again because I was feeling sick. I wanted to get into the bathtub and just lye down for a while, but he didn't want me too. He was like "don't get in the tub. Don't get in the tub." -- I did anyway so he got pissed. A few seconds or minutes later he said something like "fine... i don't want to sit here and watch you in the tub, I'm leaving." and he left. I would have normally burst into tears and chased after him at that point, but my head was spinning so fast and I knew that I just needed to stay in the water. My roommates seemed concerned about me.. they thought I was going to drown or something. But I think by that point I knew what was going on enough to realize if my mouth was getting filled with water. Actually, I think the entire time I would have been able to figure that much out. --Another one of my roommates wanted me to stop running the water because she wanted to go to sleep. So I asked for five more minutes and eventually she came in and turned the water off. or I turned the water off. I don't remember.
A bit after that I puked again.
Then I jumped into my bed-- my head had finally began to stop spinning so rapidly and I was able to drift off into sleep.
This morning I wake up and I can't find my glasses anywhere. I have a nasty hangover, so I wait till 4 in the afternoon to even bother getting up to look for them. I still can't find my glasses, but my roommate helped me locate my contacts so I can finally see. *yeay*.
My roommate also informed me that Chris left really pissed off at me last night. Apparently I was saying stuff along the lines of "i love you too much I need to break up with you."-- which happens to be what I was thinking what I woke up this morning, but I have no recollection of ever telling HIM that. I know that I was saying stuff about how I loved him last night... but the breaking up thing (did I say that??? or is he just exhaggerating?)
I don't even believe in love yet there is no question in my mind whether or not I love him. I mean-- I do. I love him in a way he'll never understand, and I think it might just be best to part ways now. I'll never be right for him. I'm too-- emotionally unstable, odd, shy or hyper depending on the time of day. I mean, I have a lot of issues to work out for myself right now and he's not helping. I'm not helping him either.
Well- if he ever decides to talk to me again, maybe I will go ahead and end this. I don't really want to. I don't know what i want. I wonder what he's thinking. My roommates also informed me that when he left yesterday he said "tell her to call me one day" (and he wasn't saying it nicely.)
My head still hurts. I need to get ready to go to tech rehersal numero 3. Why do I have to be so fucked up in the head? I don't ever want to get drunk again. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
bLegh.
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Classic.